A Post As Long As The Aisle
The wedding itself was Saturday, but the wedding related festivities started Friday night with the rehearsal. The rehearsal went off without a hitch...except for the teeny tiny, miniscule fact that 75% of the bride's family missed the majority of it. Even the groom showed up late (no cold feet here, just perpetually late people). Although I will say that if a family ever had to miss a wedding rehearsal, this would be the one to miss considering the priest had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE WAS DOING.
But let me backtrack a bit. The priest was none too happy that the rehearsal's start was delayed as he had another appointment to follow. He threatened a few times to go ahead and start anyway, but threats like that are kinda empty when you are rehearsing for a wedding and not say, Greenbrook High School's production of "My Fair Lady".
Once the rehearsal was safely under way, it became increasingly clear that the priest had no clue how to actually conduct a wedding rehearsal. Picture if you will hobbit #127 from The Lord of the Rings with salt and pepper hair, and then you have our priest. Looking like he was about twelve, he proceeded to conduct the rehearsal in a manner that had me questioning if he really was twelve. I won't bore you with the details here. I will only share with you my personal highlights when he said, "This will be the part when I say you may kiss the bride...but you may have to remind me if I forget." and, "I know I might not seem like I know what I am doing, but despite what you all think, this is not my first wedding...I had a wedding rehearsal two weeks ago." Hey, even Madonna was just another girl from Michigan at one time, right?
Anyway, after being lectured on how NOT to show up smashed to the church (and boy did he have some of this group pegged), we were free to leave and were promptly whisked off to leg two of the great wedding tour...the rehearsal dinner. There isn't much to say about the dinner actually. The food was good, the wine was flowing and a good time was had by all. Only as the hours clicked by and some people were still drinking and dancing, myself and another bridesmaid couldn't help but wonder why we couldn't cut the night short since we will be doing this again, hmm I don't know...ahh yes, in less than 24 hours.
Finally back at the bride's parents abode, the girls settled down for a much needed night of beauty sleep. In a misguided effort to relive my youth, I slept on the top bunk of a bunk bed and then proceeded to pay for it at 5am when I woke up stiff all over. Seriously, I've slept on linoleum that was more comfortable. Luckily I'm still young enough to also be resilient.
Early in the am the girls got up and went over to the salon for hair and makeup. Admittedly, I had a hard time justifying this portion of the day. The last wedding I was in a friend of mine did my hair AND makeup. But this wedding was far away and so I went with the pack and opted to get my hair and makeup done at the salon.
Here's the good news:
1. Everyone looked great.
2. I discovered the wonderful world of flat ironing, and no, that's not a new Olympic event. I believe the word you are looking for is curling.
The bad news:
ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY EIGHT DOLLARS later I was poor...yet pretty.
A good tradeoff? I'm not so sure.
Piling into the limo, we headed off to the church where surprisingly, things went well. No important family members were MIA and there was not even one potential America's Funniest Home Video moment. The limo ride after the ceremony was equally uneventful. When we got the reception, however, that's when the fun REALLY kicked in. One thing I was THRILLED to discover that I did not, repeat DID NOT have to participate in the obligatory first dance with the married couple.
This was great for 2 reasons. 1. It's always awkward dancing with a complete stranger and at such a romantic event 2. The guy I was partnered with had to be one of the tallest men ever and I, you guessed it, the shortest (women, not men that is).
The bride, who HATES having the focus be on her didn't want it that way, but her husband-to-be did, and since he was allowed three things to go his way, he had to choose wisely. She was upset though, cursing the day she chose the "long" song at a whopping 3 minutes and 30 seconds. Short of dancing to Happy Birthday, I don't know how that could have been remedied.
Seating arrangements at weddings are always heaps of fun too. We were broken up into two tables. The success of my table's chemistry, or lack there of, was apparent from the beginning. Sometimes strangers meet and conversation (and/or alcohol)flows and new friendships are formed. Then there are times were small talk can be as awkward as Susan Lucci's sincerity. This was one of those times.
Despite the fact the bride wasn't speaking to the groom at one point (something to do with techno music and shots), everyone survived the reception unscathed. And from there I bet you think the evening was over.
Back at the hotel where most folks were staying over, the drinking continued. Once again I say maybe I'm getting old, but I don't understand how human beings can possibly consume as much alcohol as I saw yesterday and still stand upright. The worst part was guess who got sick in the middle of the night? Yours truly. Yeah, and mine wasn't even because of alcohol, but probably just too much finger food and bad sushi. I personally couldn't wait to get to bed, a proper bed that is, but I had to wait to find out what the exact sleeping situation was. While in limbo I conversed with a young gentleman who I was told wanted to get my attention all night, but when it came time for the pickup line, all I got was a bizarre, continual request for high fives, which we all know, surely makes the girls SWOON.
Now, home and done reflecting, I realize I can finally put all the drama and more importantly, the BILLS behind me.
Then the mail comes, in it a "Save-The-Date" card... for the next wedding.
God, give me strength.