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"This is the most exciting day of my life...and I was pulled on stage once to dance at a Bruce Springsteen concert."
30 Rock


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Saturday, July 31, 2004

Outlook Not Good: Try Again Later

Ever since I was a little likd I have been VERY superstitious. Being raised by a superstitious Italian mother didn't help matters much either. For all the non-believers out there, here are some highlights:

*Under no circumstances should you put shoes on the table for this causes bad luck...(not unlike no sex in the champagne room)...NONE.
*Ears ringing? Someone is talking about you.
*Itchy hands? Good news! You'll be getting money soon.:)
*Drop silverware on the floor? Company's coming.

And the one that has ruined my life, a classic, the broken mirror scenario. This has unfortunately happened to me twice. The curse started when I was 12 and was lifted briefly only to start anew when I broke a FULL LENGTH mirror in college. That curse should have since expired, but most days, I'm not so sure. Maybe it is the size of the mirror that really counts.

Anywho, as if all of this wasn't enough, long ago I added my own little mental torture to the mix: radio roulette. Like the Magic 8 Ball, radio roulette is when you turn the radio on, ask a question, and let the damage fly. The lyrics will "tell" you the future. (Some rules and restrictions may apply.)

Yesterday I had interview # 1 out of what I now like to call project "WHY AREN'T YOU CALLING?" (10 points btw the way for the person who gets that reference) I got there early, like I usually do for interviews, and decided to play a round. BTW, all players usually play RR when they are at their most vulnerable and hence, when they want to ask a question. Note, this is NOT the best time to play. Knowing this, I still did anyway.

To Radio: "Will I get a job out of this interview?"
The following events ACTUALLY HAPPENED

Radio: "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2


Take Two

To Radio: "Will my interview Monday go well?"(where there is an actual, real live vacancy BTW)

Radio: "Build Me Up Buttercup" by the Foundations

This is a fun, upbeat tune. But, for those who aren't sure, let's review the lyrics a bit, shall we?

"Build Me Up Buttercup" by The Foundations

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

"I'll be over at ten", you told me time and again
But you're late, I wait around and then (bah dah dah)
I run to the door, I can't take any more
It's not you, you let me down again

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find
(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time, and I'll make you happy
(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home
I'll be beside the phone waiting for you
Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

See where I'm going with this?

Incidentally on the way out of the car I had stopped playing the damn game already, but the last song I heard before going in was Jimmy Eat World's "The Middle" which a few years ago I actually made my self-appointed anthem (which is another whole blog entry in itself).

"The Middle" by Jimmy Eat World

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or
Looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle, it'll up the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be allright.
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be allright.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be allright.
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or
Looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be allright.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be allright.

Talk about your mixed messages.
Thursday, July 29, 2004

Don't Hate Me Because I Like Cheese

Alright, so maybe this is officially so five minutes ago since Baxala got there first, but honestly, I too was reading the article in EW on guilty pleasures. In lamest terms, a guilty pleasure is stuff you really, really like but are embarrassed to admit...sometimes even to yourself. On EW's list my personal highlights were as follows:

1. Martin Short as Clifford - seriously have you seen this movie? "Act like a normal boy!"
2. Keanu Reeves in Paula Abdul's "Rush Rush"- it's James Dean revisted, only Dean died too soon while God Bless one-noted Keanu still seems to be going strong.
3. 1980's James Spader-Who doesn't love to hate this guy? Incidentally, I have Stargate Spader Valentine's day cards I found at the dollar store one day. Believe it baby!
4. Peter Cetera: The Solo Years- Could "Glory Of Love" BE any more romantic?!

Still, as great as these GP's were, I decided to share with you a few of my own, personal vices.

The Early Years

1.Kids Incorporated- Kids Inc was a show where kids (actual kids, not Jason Priestly-like posers) broke out in random, Top 40 songs and then in between their musical numbers they would have a dilemma or two (I'm talking they made Full House look deep here). We used to love this show so much, we would actually try to recreate it in the privacy of our own homes (don't ask). I'm still trying to recover though from how this got to this.

2. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun- This movie is hands down, the quintessential eighties cheesy chick flick. If you haven't seen it, run out and get it NOW. It stars Sarah Jessica Parker in a pre Sex In the City, pre hair straightener/relaxer days. She's a Catholic school girl who only dreams of wanting to dance on Dance TV. (notice a theme yet?) Also in the movie are "before they were stars who probably hate to admit they did this types", Shannen Doherty and Helen Hunt.

3.Mayonnaise On Bread-no this isn't some obscure singing group. It's the actual snack...mayonnaise on bread. I used to love to eat it...CONSTANTLY. No wondering how this girl had weight issues by the time she was eight. Thank God for puberty!

Preteen Years

1.Reading- Yes, this is a bit generic but for a period of time, reading was my life. I was always buying books and when I wasn't buying books I was taking books out of the library. When I wasn't reading or buying I was either standing in the store trying to finish the book before it was time to go home OR I was joining those nerdy, summer book clubs for kids who actually enjoyed reading, shudder to think.

2.Andrew Mccarthy- Again Greenie got to this one first. I actually went through many a celeb crushes in my day, but I think AC was my first serious one. Soon to be followed by Randall Batinkoff, Ricky Paull Goldin and culminating in Ethan Embry. (I can tell I lost you at the word 'by'.)


Soap Operas- No one, two or three here my friends. My adolescence was pretty much dominated by soap operas. I started early with Guiding Light. Before long I had moved on to Days. I started mixing Days with GL and a little AW thrown in. I'm at least six years sober now though and going strong, if you don't count nighttime soaps that is.

Present Day

1.VH1 Classic- Like a Disney Land for music videos, VH1 Classic is the quintessential channel for anyone who simply cannot get enough of music videos that used to have meaning and hair bands that were prettier than any girl I knew. Plus they EVEN have All Request Hours and a show called We Are the 80's...Shut up!

2.Clay Aiken- Listen. Every generation needs their own Barry Manilow. Don't worry Clay. Just own it.

3.Degrassi- This one is a recent discovery via the wonderful Noggin network. Sure it is aimed at kids about fifteen years younger than me. Or is it? Check out the episode titles (i.e."Don't Dream It's Over", "Take On Me", "Karma Chameleon"...) Plus, do THOSE kids remember when Caitlin had a seizure on the ORIGINAL Degrassi Jr. High? I don't think so! And with My So-Called Life reruns to boot, Noggin truly is a network after my own heart.

I realize that by divulging my guilty pleasures on this blog I am hereby breaking the cardinal rule OF guility pleasures which is not unlike the rule for The Fight Club: "You don't talk about guilty pleasures". But seriously, if you read any of my other nuggets of info you would know by now, I am a girl who clearly has no... shame. (alright, whose the wise guy who was going to say taste?)
Tuesday, July 27, 2004


and I use that term with only the utmost respect...

I have spent the past few weeks dividing my time between applying for jobs (see below) and working on trying to make my blog a better place. I have some concrete ideas (and advice), but I thought I'd post here anyhow and open up my concerns to my devoted readers and other people who just might happen to stop by.

In an ideal cyber world, I would like to keep my blogspot site up and running, if only to redirect to my new site. Luckily that is possible since blogger services are for free. I have looked into domain names and the one(s) I want are available, so there's no problem with that.

I have been able to condense my moving woes into five, easy-to-digest categories:

1. Web Hosting

From the advice I've gotten so far, GoDaddy is the best deal I've heard about. They also offer both domain registration AND web hosting. I have a few others I have been exploring (i.e. IPowerWeb and Dreamhost) but I am willing to hear anyone out on this.

2. 2. Template Design/Maintenance

Since my site would still be in a blog format, I have given strong consideration to moving over to Movable Type. I have to make sure though that the host I choose supports this and (if at all possible) helps install it.So far most places seem to support it, but no one helps install it.:( Either way, I need to choose an option that is easy to update daily after the initial install for non-techies like myself.:) Somehow this ties into Typepad as well, but I'm still in the process of learning the difference between the two. I know, for instance, there is a free version of Movable Type, but Typepad is $4.95 a month. If I understand correctly, Typepad is the slightly idiot proof companion piece to Movable Type. Feel free to set me straight on this one though.

3. Logo Design

I have had a few specific ideas for template and logo design. Right now I have a definite logo I could use, but I was thinking about possibly opening it up to submissions if there is anyone who is REALLY dying to submit something to me (hey Kerrie said to ask). Of course if I used anyone's logo you would get full credit for it. Otherwise, I just need to figure out how to use the logo I have in reserve in whatever template I choose to use.

4. Revenue

This is another tricky one. I know that generating any kind of revenue is a longshot, but I'm putting it out there anyhow. I have seen some creative money making ideas such as AdSense, Amazon and CdBaby links. I have also seen Paypal donation options. I have been told though that your site has to have a certain degree of traffic (if anyone knows what that is, let me know) or you will be dropped anyhow. The "snobs" over at Google apparently do not accept personal sites either so it might take some creative marketing genius to pull this one off.

5. Copyrighting Online Content

This one I've been wondering about for awhile actually. No one can really tell me for sure if things you post on the wonderful World Wide Web are really copyright protected. I didn't know if there was an official word out on this.

So, there you have it. I have lots more to rant about, but I'm tired and I figured I should get orders of "business" up here before pleasure. If anyone has any info on ANY of the above or even wants to help with the endeavor, feel free to email me directly at:

Monday, July 26, 2004

When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get E-mailing

This weekend, a light came on. Unwilling to go into the night quietly, I have decided to take the bull by the horns (where DO these expressions come from anyway?) and go beyond the not-so-super, superintendent of schools and started to contact individual principals.

You might be saying, "But Janet, sending each principal at each school an application would be quite time consuming!" You would be right! Still, I have opted to email my resume and cover letter to nearly...EVERY SINGLE PRINCIPAL IN EACH DISTRICT I HAVE APPLIED TO.

Some might mistake this for insanity, but you would be surprised what the power of being pissed off can do to a girl. This is VERY time consuming. But effective? The jury is still out on that one. I'm kinda viewing it as a professional experiment. I figure if you throw enough seeds around you are bound to get some pigeons pecking.

Two carpal tunneled wrists later I am still at least ankle deep in resumes that need to be sent. I have, however, gotten some replies. Mostly "thank you but there are no openings" or "thank you, I will forward this to HR" type stuff.

But then there are the TAKERS...I got one offer to interview to be a paraprofessional. I can't wanna do this. I am not a snob, but here is why:

1. I was already a paraprofessional for a year so I in no way think this is beneath me. Most of these people work VERY hard for VERY little pay I might add.

2. To be a paraprofessional in NJ all you need is 60 college credits. If I was going to stay a para, I wouldn't have gone for my undergrad OR graduate degree.

Suffice it to say, I politely declined.

Then this afternoon I was told I had an "impressive letter and resume" by one principal who apparently has no vacancies currently, but still wants to interview me this week or the next.

So I ask you? Who is the crazy one now?:)

I will continue to document my struggle to get the ever elusive teaching job. Who knows? Maybe I even will be able to look back and laugh at all of this one day. That or never stop laughing from completely going over the's really 50/50 at this point.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Time Out For A Little Perspective

Do you believe everything happens for a reason? I do. Although I also believe we don't always know what that reason is.

Lately I have been thinking it hasn't been the best few days. Ok, month. Alright, you got me, year...s.

So, my mom's birthday was on Friday and my friend's birthday is on Monday. They both picked the same evening to do some sort of celebration. Obviously, mom won out.

There was awhile there that I was trying to split my time between both, but my friend decided to go to Medeival Times (which, for those of you who don't know, is a dinner/show combo), so all things considered, it just wasn't going to work.

So, I talk to my friend today and it turns out she got into a car accident...Friday night on the way back from Medeival Times. Instantly, I thought there were two ways to look at this:

1. The point in the trip where the accident happened I would have not been in the car, so none of the events would be changed.
2. Then again, they might have missed the crazy lady completely had they dropped me off because their timing wouldn't have been the same.

Luckily, both her and her friend are fine. Can't say the same for the car. Still, I think it's moments like that which put things into perspective.

I only wish we could bottle that feeling to remember it the next time we are complaining about whatever we are complaining about- present company included.

Back to the light-hearted posts in the AM... promise.
Friday, July 23, 2004

It's Got A Good Beat And I Can Dance To It

I just received my first site review courtesy of Mathias. Matty had mostly good things to say, but he had two bits of constructive criticism to throw my way, thus the deduction of two points, keeping me from attaining the perfect score of 10. Man, that Russian judge is tough.

1. I don't talk nearly enough about me and a little too much about TV. This is a good point Mathias. There is also a good reason. My life as I know it right now really isn't blogworthy. I blogged about the wedding I was in and I have indirectly blogged about my struggles to get a job. Other than that, what you see is what you get. I suppose I currently do have more time than your average bear to watch television, although with me I have always taken comfort in being a people watcher. Also some of these pop culture thoughts have been in me for so long they are just dying to get out. That said, I can't promise stuff that is nearly as entertaining coming from my own personal universe, but God knows I shall try.

2. Another point was deducted for my oh-so generic template. It's funny you should mention that because it's been bothering me lately too. So much so in fact, that I am already one step ahead of you in planning a brand new, kick ass, but most importantly original, (at least by bloggerland,Stepford like template terms), template. If it were up to me I'd have the template up already, but every good writer (who is lost in the areas of design) needs a great designer. So, I figure if I continue being really nice to my boyfriend over the next few weeks I will see my dream come to fruition.

So, there you have it. I posted this here since some of you might be having the same concerns. After all, I consider this a blog for the people, by...well...ME. But still, it's for the people.

If you get the chance, feel free to review my little corner of the world by clicking the link on the left. All I ask is that you have a heart...and a few original words of encouragement/criticism. i.e.Let's not try to beat Janet with the point she doesn't have much of a life, k?
Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Leaving Hair In The Sink Has Never Been THIS Much FUN

First the good news. Those of you still jonesing for a Mo Rocca fix can point your remote controls to the Bravo Television network. Last night a new show entitled Things I Hate About You premiered. Don't worry if you missed it, cause I'm pretty certain it is one of those networks that will assault you with repeats until you finally sit down and watch. Hell, even Bravo knows they can't live off of Queer Eye's Carson's one-liners forever.

The premise is simple. One hour is devoted to one couple who proceed to make point, counter-point arguments over which one is more annoying in the relationship. A panel of "expert" (insert various struggling actor/comedian/model types here) judges then vote and decide who is indeed, the more annoying one.

And now for the bad news. Right about now you might be asking yourself, "but where does Mo fit into all of this"? If I were Mo, I'd be asking myself the same thing. Mo's role is as the ever necessary evil, yet obvious go between time waster duty of show host.

Some shows NEED a host like say, Alex Trebek on Jeopardy (which btw, you go Ken Jennings, you go!) Other shows obviously just have a host to fill a so-called void (once again Joe Rogan, this goes out to you). Things I Hate About You falls under the category of the latter. Don't get me wrong. It's cute and quirky and chuckle worthy at times, but it's also about 45 minutes and five running gags too long.

Hey! I know what is even more annoying then annoying couples! A program devoted to showing us what is annoying about couples that also happen to be...


Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For?

I'm quite the multi-tasker. Posted by Hello
Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Open Letter to A School Superintendent (Rough Draft)

Dear_____________ (insert name of bigwig here),

My name is Janet Branagan. Then again, you probably already know that from the last seventy-five letters I've sent to your attention. I hope you have found good use for them; as part of paper mache schoolhouse perhaps, or even as a lovely shade of rejection colored wallpaper.

I'm afraid I have some bad news to share with you. You aren't calling me. Now I'm wondering, was the scented stationery with lipstick imprint too much? Did my signature not scream LEADERSHIP, but instead quietly murmur, COULD DO WITHOUT AN INCOME? Perhaps I typed in the wrong phone number or left off a digit. Or maybe, just maybe, your phone isn't working. Yes, that must be it, your phone just isn't working!

I'd like to personally make mention of the school districts that I have a history with who are calling my colleagues for interviews, but not yours truly. For you, precious few, I hold a special place in my heart.

I also want to take this opportunity to thank 25% of you for acknowledging my application got to your office. At least I know I exist in your world. I see I'm still apparently unworthy to step foot inside your establishment, but I exist nonetheless.

You know the line in my original cover letter that starts with, "I feel I would be an excellent addition to your team...?" I've been thinking about working in an add on. "I feel I would be an excellent addition to your team, should you run out of people you know personally like the girl who works at the camp where the vice-president of The Board of Education works, or say, Third-Grade teacher Mrs. Smith's daughter's best friend's checkout girl at Target, isn't available." I'm not sure though. It might be too vague and I want to clearly convey I'd like to work for your school.

If you don't mind, I'd also like to ask you a quick question. There is a ghastly rumor going around that there is no way every single resume that is sent to your office could possibly be read considering the sheer volume of them and an unfortunate lack of manpower. As a result, every third applicant or so gets a read through. It's not unlike hitting the slots at the casinos. Luckily, I have a solution to this problem. You could hire me to read through these applicants. You know, since I need a job and all. Consider it a two birds with one stone type of deal. Notice how quickly I did that math? The other option is I could just send mulitple copies of my resume to your office, increasing the odds. But that would be wasting paper and wasting paper means wasting trees and only a good teacher knows how important it is to work on saving the environment.

In conclusion, I am confident I will excel as a teacher because I identify with what makes a good leader and I have what it takes to bring out the best in my students. I look forward to driving past your school, your home and your child's soccer practice in the near future to discuss the goals of your district and how little ol' me could help you achieve them.


Applicant #2356

Tell Me, How Am I Supposed To Live Without You?

So, this must be what it feels like to be Willie Aames or Jodie Sweetin.

Unable to bask in the talent of others any longer, I too must come out from the shadows of Michael Ian Black and Mo Rocca and once again learn to face the blogging world...on my own. It's a scary reemergence. I hope you (yes, you) will continue to support my endeavors without MIB as my personal, shameless sock puppet.

As a whole I, like many of you, have had mixed feelings about I Love the 90's. While it provided some great one-liners (obviously), I still do think we are just a little too close to the decade for it to be categorized as nostalgic.

I also found that there were quite a few things I was certain they would talk about, but they never did. Unless I missed it, I don't recall hearing anything about Friends for instance, or even the second coming of blatant rip off teen movies being made. There also was no mention of Dave Matthews or The Spin Doctors "Two Princes". Saving it all up for I Love The 90's Strikes Back, perhaps?

Anything you were sure they'd mention that didn't make the cut?
Monday, July 19, 2004

Nine Great Things About I Love The 90's: 1999

1. On The Blair Witch Project "A lot of people thought the Blair Witch Project was a real documentary. A lot of people are retarded."- Mo Rocca

2. On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire "I think a more interesting show would be who wants to take a vow of poverty."-Craig Ferguson

3. On LFO "There was a whole pecking order of boy bands. It started with N'Sync and then you had the Backstreet Boys, and like 50 rungs down...was LFO."-Chris Booker

4. On Y2K "I was not fooling around with Y2K. I had water, kerosene. I had extra fanny packs. I bought some black market stinger missles and said come and get me."-MIB

5. On The Latin Music Invasion "You know that Gerardo was PISSED. Like I started that way back in the early 90's, ya know? With the Rico and the Suave...remember me?"
"Enrique and his mole were kinda like Daryl Hall and John Oates to me. You know what I mean? The mole wasn't necessary, but you know you like to see them together."-Hal Sparks
"Marc Anthony was by far the most hot AND the most skeletal of the three"-Mo Rocca

6. On the Atkins Diet "The Atkins Diet is where you eat bacon nonstop for 6 to 7 months and you lose weight...because you die."-MIB

7. On The Fight Club "I would talk about The Fight Club, but nobody talks about Fight Club."- Rich Eisen
"Then how do you get people to join? That's not good promotion."-Bobby Lee

8. On the Taco Bell Dog "It made me go less to Taco Bell. First of all, the dog was speaking Spanish...and the dog was SPEAKING."-Loni Love

9. More on Taco Bell "Who you gonna have? English sheepdogs selling tacos? No. English sheepdogs sell fish...and chips."-MIB

Nine Great Things About I Love The 90's: 1998

1. On Tinky Winky, the purple Teletubby "He is who he is. He's proud of who he is. I say go you gay teletubby! Go!" (MIB)

2. On boy bands like the Backstreet Boys "There's always an ugly one. The good news is you've been cast. The bad news is, you're the ugly one."
"Backstreet's back- ALRIGHT! Cause that's MY reaction when I hear Backstreet's back...ALRIGHT!"- Stephen Lynch

3.On Dawson's Creek "James Van Der Beek looks like he's 87 years old. He's in high school?! What? Is he the guidance counselor?"-Gillian Vigman
"Dawson's Creek really captured some of the awkwardness of a lot of high school students. They way they're sort of inarticulate and can't really string a sentence together a lot of the time."- Mo Rocca

4. On Natalie Imbruglia's Torn "I always imagined I was naked on the floor next to her and we were spooning"-MIB

5. On Jerry Springer "Typical guests on Jerry Springer's show maybe had 6 to 10 teeth and probably didn't have birth certificates."- Rachael Harris

6. More On Springer "Above all Jerry Springer is a healer. He's Christ as far as I'm concerned. Miracles happen every day on that show."-MIB

7. On Martha Stewart "In 1998 Martha Stewart's empire was at it's pinnacle. She owned 60% of Kmart and she owned 40% of her own soul."-Joel Stein

8. On Will Smith's Gettin' Jiggy Wit It "I don't know what the hell it means but it sounds like something I can do. I'm white. I might be able to get jiggy with it."-Chris Booker

9. On Swing Dancing "Men could throw women around in a constructive way. Highly choreographed physica abuse is basically what it boils down to."-MIB
Friday, July 16, 2004

Nine Great Things About I Love The 90's: 1997

1. On Austin Powers "I think the worst thing about Austin Powers was that it didn't provide any catch phrases whatsoever."-Jake Fogeinest

2. On The Spice Girls "You want me to get with your friends? I guess we could work that out. If that's what you really, really want. I thought The Spice Girls were gonna last forever. I thought: here's OUR Rolling Stones. And then, six months later, they were no longer."-MIB

3. On What The Hell To Do With Beanie Babies "You can put one up on a shelf, put five in each some squats."- Rachael Harris

4. On Fiona Apple "She has a wonderful, 'been-dead-for-a-few-days' look about her."-Mo Rocca

5. On Jewel "She was such an inspiration to all of us Alaskans who grew up in vans."-Modern Humorist

6. On Ally McBeal "There was always tremendous singing going on at the bar and yet they were always able to hear each other talk. There was never any What? Wait. What?! Whenever I go to a bar, even if it's the jukebox, I can't hear a goddamn thing."-MIB

7. On Aqua's Barbie Girl "What's great about that song is that it had been about four and a half minutes since we had a cutesy, electronic pop song to annoy everyone."-Jake Fogeinest

8. On the Heaven's Gate Cult "Well, the Green Bay Packers wear the same uniform, why can't the Hale Bopp Cult wear the same uniform too?"-MIB

9. On Hanson "Hanson was like the Nelson twins if somebody put them in the dryer and they shrunk."-Hal Sparks
Thursday, July 15, 2004

Nine Great Things About I Love The 90's: 1996

1. On the Macarena "We white people do love to dance in formation."- Beth Littleford

2. On Zubaz pants "I want my pants to be as vivid as my imagination and Zubaz pants were."-MIB

3. On Kathie Lee's Sweatshop Scandal "I didn't need a reason to hate Kathie Lee Gifford, I was just happy to get one."-Hal Sparks

4. On Ebonics "What's up? Why you all in my shit? Was a way of saying, cease and desist."-Mo Rocca

5. On Oasis "They were gonna be the next Beatles, and they were gonna take over the world and they were gonna be wonderful and have their Wonderwall. But primarily, they were about unibrows."- MIB
"In a band, four people, one eyebrow."-Chris Ferguson

6. On Bob Dole "I think Bob Dole was the old guy across the street when you hit a ball into his yard and you never got it back."-Bil Dwyer

7. On Mentos Commercials "Here's the weird thing about Mentos. All the ads featured people committing minor crimes and then being rewarded with candy in the end."-Hal Sparks
"If you go to Finland and get those Finnish actors, they'll just work for the Mentos because over there, these are gold. You can trade them for denim jeans and Marlboro cigarettes."-MIB

8. On Independence Day "That was the first time they had matched Will Smith with an alien...if you don't count Alfonso Ribero."-Jake Fogeinest

9. On Alanis "Irony is the disparity between what you expect will happen, and what does happen. So raining on your wedding day isn't ironic, it's just crappy. It would have been ironic if she had lived in a place like Seattle, and traveled to the desert of Mexico for a wedding and it ended up raining there, but not in Seattle. Alanis always gets the last laugh though. We all sit here, saying her song isn't ironic, but in fact, that's pretty ironic that she wrote a song called Ironic that wasn't really ironic. Those Canadians are pretty crafty."-Mo Rocca

Nine Great Things About I Love The 90's: 1995

1. On Toy Story "This is a film that, for the first time, captures the extraordinary tension that exists between cowboys and astronauts."-Michael Ian Black

2. On Hugh Grant's sex scandal "I think it was quite nice because it dispelled the rumor of Hugh Grant's kind of loveliness...The fact that it didn't hurt his career is proof that Americans don't care, as long as you have an accent."-Craig Ferguson

3. On Brittany Murphy, then and now "Brittany Murphy looks a smidge different now. She's lost umm, a smidge of weight."- Rachael Harris

4. On Party of Five "It wasn't so much a party as it was a terrible, terrible story about dead parents."- Michael Ian Black

5. On Braveheart "When I saw Braveheart I thought wow, ths is really violent. Now we know Mel was just warming up."-Modern Humorist

6. On TLC "They're a very good trio. Very cute. And one of them's an arsenist...SO WHAT?"-Michael Ian Black

7. On Hootie and the Blowfish "Not only was this Hootie and the Blowfish's biggest year, it was their ONLY year."-Michael Ian Black

8. On Coolio's Gangsta's Paradise video "Big fat guy. He looked like the wind. You know. The profile and the big cheeks? Next time you see that, think of the old drawings of the wind going shhwwwoo"-Stephen Lynch

9. More on Braveheart "The primary lesson I learned from this film is that Scottish people don't wear underwear. And I think that's true to this day- talk to Sean Connery."- Michael Ian Black

Nine Great Things About I Love The 90's: 1994

1. On John Tesh "It's just to signal aliens, John Tesh's music, isn't it?'"- Bil Dwyer

2. On Speed "If I'm on a bus and a dude like Keanu Reeves gets on there and he's trying to warn me, I couldn't believe him cause that voice: Yo, there's a bomb on the bus. I'd be like dude sit your surfer ass down!"-Godfrey

3. On OJ Simpson "This is the movie in which OJ stars and and he gets into a Ford Bronco but instead of he can't go under fifty-five, he can't go over thirty-five or something terible is going to happen, like a double murder."- Michael Ian Black

4. On the Nancy Kerrigan/Tonya Harding scandal "I know I was really supposed to like Nancy and then I went you know, I'm not sure I really like her that much either."- Jane Seymour

5. On Boyz To Men "I remember one dude was all stretched like somebody chewed him up like bubble gum. You know how you just take bubble gum and shape it into something when you was a kid? That was that kid. Then you had the one with the fat jaw. He didn't have a fat lip, but he had a swollen chin area. It was just a weird face, you know what I'm saying?"- Patrice Neal

"You think if you can get four guys who can harmonize like that and make such memorable, lovely songs that one of them would be attractive."- Michael Ian Black

6. On NYPD Blue "I'm not sure who's clamoring to see Dennis Franz's ass, but I guess they did focus groups and people wanted to see it, so Steven Bocho served it up."- Brian Unger

7. On Salt N'Pepa "This is mighty, mighty good man, this fabulous man they are singing about spends quality time with his kids when he can. Which is my favorite caveat of all know, when he can."- Beth Littleford

8. On Reality Bites "And Ben Stiller should be punished because he wants to have a career? I wanna have a career! Look at me. I'm talking to you assholes. I am being punished every single day of my life. I'm Ben Stiler in that scenario. I wish I could be Ethan Hawke. Who's gonna write my poetry? I don't have any poetry. I'm on VH fucking 1."- Michael Ian Black

9. On Forrest Gump "It starts to send a bad message when anyone who plays a character whose at all mentally incapcitated is at least nominated, if not given an Oscar."- Beth Littleford
Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Nine Great Things About I Love The 90's: 1993

1. On Snow's Informer "I couldn't understand the words. I can't hear that fast. He talks faster than I can hear. I know what 'licky' is. I know what 'boom, boom' is. I know what 'down' is. When you put them all together? I don't know what that is."- Michael Ian Black

2. On Where's Waldo? Books "Where is this taking place, in Calcutta? I mean it's SUCH a mob scene!"- Mo Rocca

3. On Free Willy "He didn't have any people's friends. His friends was whales. Animals can be your best friend...if you don't have any personality."- Michael Ian Black

4. On Blind Melon's No Rain Video "Without rain, no flowers. No flowers, no bees. No bees, there would be no fat girls in bee costumes."- Jason Mraz

5. Wendy The Snapple Lady Answers Viewer Mail "Danny Wood from Boston, Massachusetts writes, I have been in a deep, deep depression since the New Kids broke up in 93. Well Danny, that's a hard one, made even more difficult that YOU were in New Kids On the Block."

6. On Harrison Ford Films "I often confuse Harrison Ford's movies. I didn't kill my wife! So get off my plane!"- Modern Humorist

7. On X-Files "It was like Moonlighting with UFO's"- Kevin Smith

8. On Quantum Leap "I would probably jump into the body of who's ever dating Jennifer Love Hewitt this week."- Hal Sparks

9. On Aerosmith Videos "Crazy, Amazing and Crying is like the Lord of the Rings Trilogy of music videos"- Hal Sparks...
"The trilogy of music videos. All sorta the same song. It also has to be said that Liv Tyler was basically introduced to the world as this sexy, young her FATHER'S VIDEO."- Beth Littleford

Nine Great Things About I Love The 90's: 1992

1. On the Buttafucco/Fisher scandal "It's not her fault because if you've seen Joey Buttafucco, what women could resist? The man has it all. Charm, humor, looks to die for..."- Michael Ian Black

2. On I'm Too Sexy "Right Said Fred were too sexy for a lot of things, but I don't think they were too sexy for each other if you know what I mean... And I'm too uncomfortable with how you find out you are too sexy for your cat."- Joel Stein

3. "Fabio and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, which is so ironic, because I can't believe we are still talking about Fabio."- Greg Fitzsimmons

4. On The Woody Allen Sex Scandal "Mia Farrow had adopted most people in New York I think so it was a struggle to meet someone who actually wasn't in Mia Farrow's custody."- Mo Rocca

5. On Kris Kross "I think everybody thought after the tremendous success of the song. 'Sailing', Christopher Cross would not reemerge as a popular recording artist and then he comes out with 'Jump, Jump' and suddenly, his name is on everbody's lips again."- Michael Ian Black

6. On the Quayle/Brown Controversy "Dan Quayle talked about Murphy Brown like she was a real person."- Hal Sparks

7. On Achy Breaky Heart "When I saw people dancing to it? In jeans that had been dry cleaned and cowboy boots, and you're in New York City? That's when I said, yeah, handguns should be legal."- Greg Fitzsimmons

8. "Barney is like crack for kids."- Darius Rucker

9. On Reservoir Dogs "This is sort of a classic Quentin Tarantino moment although we didn't know it because we had never heard of Tarantino, or indeed anybody named Quentin, ever before."- Michael Ian Black
Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Nine Great Things About I Love The 90's: 1991

1. On Beverly Hills, 90210 "Luke Perry was like the oldest guy on the show. He's like the Fonz and he's banging all these 16 year olds."- Greg Fitzsimmons

2. On Boyz N' The Hood "Morris Chestnut. I hate that dude to this day because in the movie, his character was just like somewhere else. These guys are chasing him with a shotgun and he's scratching off a lottery ticket and I remember thinking, please kill him."- Tony Woods

3. "Grunge means pseudo crappy music made by people affected by adverse weather."- Trey Parker

4. More On Grunge "For a moment, Mister Rogers was punk rock."- Michael Ian Black

5. On Color Me Badd "In my day, we had songs like "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go", not "I Wanna Sex U Up". Where's the mystery in that?"- Michael Ian Black

6. On the Bugle Boy Jeans commercial "Whenever I'm starved for compliments, I put on my Bugle Boy Jeans and stand in the desert, hoping people will stop."- Mo Rocca

7. On Point Break "Point Break was a classic in the 'Undercover-Surfer Cop- Investigating-A-President-Themed-Mob-Ring' movies." - Mo Rocca

8. More on Point Break "Weirdly enough, Gary Busey's trying to play the steady FBI Agent to Keanu Reeves's wild cat."- Hal Sparks

9. On Garth Brooks "I know that he had a shirt that was half black, half white, which I thought really spoke to the duality of human nature...and he also looked fly!"- Michael Ian Black

Nine Great Things About I Love The 90's: 1990

Being a self-proclaimed pop culture addict, I am drawn to VH1's I Love The ___ (insert decade here) specials like a bee is drawn to honey. When the 80's and 70's aired, however, I did not have this blog.:( Unfortunately, the bad news is that so far, the 90's is actually the weakest link of the three, but then again, they are only 2 years down.

Still, I decided to recap the best moments of each year for those who want to relive the 90's with me (or simply those who don't have cable and/or the free time I apparently have).

1. On Pretty Woman "If we had more hookers that looked like Julia Roberts NOBODY would be married."- Loni Love

2. On Vanilla Ice "Now this is his first single. How can he be back with a brand new mission? You think- well this guy's a liar. And then you don't believe a word he says from then on."- Dominic Monayhan

3. "What IS Michael Bolton's hair?!"- Beth Littleford

4. On the Lambada "I remember the Forbidden Dance. But I don't know much about it, because it was forbidden."- Brian Posehn

5. On the Fallen And I Can't Get Up Commercial "But that's not what you say when you fall. You should be like, Damnit! Oh shit! Help! I've fallen and I can't get up. Well bitch, try!"- Godfrey

6. On Dances With Wolves "Dances With Wolves was interesting for me because I didn't like the movie."- Mario Van Peebles

7. On Wilson Phillips "I felt sorry for the poor, fat lady in pants out on the beach. Fat ladies normally don't like to go to the beach."- Brian Posehn

8. On Edward Scissorhands "The return of Anthony Michael Hall as a bad guy? It's not how I want to see my Anthony Michael Hall, I gotta admit."- Barenaked Ladies

9. On Snap Bracelets "It's for pre teens who are into pre bondage."- Michael Ian Black
Monday, July 12, 2004

You Can't Judge A Book By Its Cover

I made my bimonthly trip to the local library earlier today. In the pockets of months when I have a lot of free time (which unfortunately, have been on the increase and not the other way around) I like to read a few good books.

So, I walk up to the circulation desk to check out. The woman behind the counter holds up one book and says:

Woman: "This one is a rental."
Me: "Excuse me?"
Woman: "A rental. It's a book from our pay collection. These are popular titles. It will be 20 cents."
Me: "Oh ok, but I don't have any money on me at the moment."
Woman: "Oh no, you pay when you bring it back. It's 20 cents...per day. If you bring it back tonight though, it's free."

Not wanting to look like a cheap skate, I of course, rented the book. Walking away, a few thoughts occured to me:

Wow. Am I THAT old school that I remember when all library books were free, like all the time?

quickly followed by...

At 20 cents a day, the logic here is to deter patrons from keeping any one book out for too long. Yet, the average patron keeps a regular old book for two weeks. If you kept a book you are paying 20 cents a day for at two weeks you would be paying $2.80. Of course with these books, unlike the FREE rentals, there really isn't a time restriction. So, if money is no object, you can keep the book for as long as you like under the pretense you will pay for all the days you have it. I mean you could have it an entire month and pay only $6.00, depending on the month you get it in. (30 days have September, April, June, and November. All the rest have 31, except for February.) If that were the case, the whole "getting the book back early in order to make it available to other people" idea kinda backfires horribly, huh?

And whatever happened to good, old-fashioned waiting lists anyhow?

The other thing that struck me odd was that she said if I brought it back this evening the book would be free. I wanna know, is there something about me that screams SPEED READER!, One With No Life To Speak Of, or was it just the fact that I had the time to be at the library on a Monday afternoon that had her suggest this option? I understand the deal lady. Geez.

Now if you'll excuse me. I have a book to finish before the 11 o'clock news comes on.
Sunday, July 11, 2004

A Post As Long As The Aisle

Ok. I'm tired. This weekend was THE wedding, which if you have been reading thus far, deserves no other explanation. If you are new to the blog, however, well... I'm sure you'll catch on. After all, you are a bright bunch.

The wedding itself was Saturday, but the wedding related festivities started Friday night with the rehearsal. The rehearsal went off without a hitch...except for the teeny tiny, miniscule fact that 75% of the bride's family missed the majority of it. Even the groom showed up late (no cold feet here, just perpetually late people). Although I will say that if a family ever had to miss a wedding rehearsal, this would be the one to miss considering the priest had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE WAS DOING.

But let me backtrack a bit. The priest was none too happy that the rehearsal's start was delayed as he had another appointment to follow. He threatened a few times to go ahead and start anyway, but threats like that are kinda empty when you are rehearsing for a wedding and not say, Greenbrook High School's production of "My Fair Lady".

Once the rehearsal was safely under way, it became increasingly clear that the priest had no clue how to actually conduct a wedding rehearsal. Picture if you will hobbit #127 from The Lord of the Rings with salt and pepper hair, and then you have our priest. Looking like he was about twelve, he proceeded to conduct the rehearsal in a manner that had me questioning if he really was twelve. I won't bore you with the details here. I will only share with you my personal highlights when he said, "This will be the part when I say you may kiss the bride...but you may have to remind me if I forget." and, "I know I might not seem like I know what I am doing, but despite what you all think, this is not my first wedding...I had a wedding rehearsal two weeks ago." Hey, even Madonna was just another girl from Michigan at one time, right?

Anyway, after being lectured on how NOT to show up smashed to the church (and boy did he have some of this group pegged), we were free to leave and were promptly whisked off to leg two of the great wedding tour...the rehearsal dinner. There isn't much to say about the dinner actually. The food was good, the wine was flowing and a good time was had by all. Only as the hours clicked by and some people were still drinking and dancing, myself and another bridesmaid couldn't help but wonder why we couldn't cut the night short since we will be doing this again, hmm I don't know...ahh yes, in less than 24 hours.

Finally back at the bride's parents abode, the girls settled down for a much needed night of beauty sleep. In a misguided effort to relive my youth, I slept on the top bunk of a bunk bed and then proceeded to pay for it at 5am when I woke up stiff all over. Seriously, I've slept on linoleum that was more comfortable. Luckily I'm still young enough to also be resilient.

Early in the am the girls got up and went over to the salon for hair and makeup. Admittedly, I had a hard time justifying this portion of the day. The last wedding I was in a friend of mine did my hair AND makeup. But this wedding was far away and so I went with the pack and opted to get my hair and makeup done at the salon.

Here's the good news:
1. Everyone looked great.
2. I discovered the wonderful world of flat ironing, and no, that's not a new Olympic event. I believe the word you are looking for is curling.

The bad news:
ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY EIGHT DOLLARS later I was poor...yet pretty.
A good tradeoff? I'm not so sure.

Piling into the limo, we headed off to the church where surprisingly, things went well. No important family members were MIA and there was not even one potential America's Funniest Home Video moment. The limo ride after the ceremony was equally uneventful. When we got the reception, however, that's when the fun REALLY kicked in. One thing I was THRILLED to discover that I did not, repeat DID NOT have to participate in the obligatory first dance with the married couple.

This was great for 2 reasons. 1. It's always awkward dancing with a complete stranger and at such a romantic event 2. The guy I was partnered with had to be one of the tallest men ever and I, you guessed it, the shortest (women, not men that is).

The bride, who HATES having the focus be on her didn't want it that way, but her husband-to-be did, and since he was allowed three things to go his way, he had to choose wisely. She was upset though, cursing the day she chose the "long" song at a whopping 3 minutes and 30 seconds. Short of dancing to Happy Birthday, I don't know how that could have been remedied.

Seating arrangements at weddings are always heaps of fun too. We were broken up into two tables. The success of my table's chemistry, or lack there of, was apparent from the beginning. Sometimes strangers meet and conversation (and/or alcohol)flows and new friendships are formed. Then there are times were small talk can be as awkward as Susan Lucci's sincerity. This was one of those times.

Despite the fact the bride wasn't speaking to the groom at one point (something to do with techno music and shots), everyone survived the reception unscathed. And from there I bet you think the evening was over.

Oh no.

Back at the hotel where most folks were staying over, the drinking continued. Once again I say maybe I'm getting old, but I don't understand how human beings can possibly consume as much alcohol as I saw yesterday and still stand upright. The worst part was guess who got sick in the middle of the night? Yours truly. Yeah, and mine wasn't even because of alcohol, but probably just too much finger food and bad sushi. I personally couldn't wait to get to bed, a proper bed that is, but I had to wait to find out what the exact sleeping situation was. While in limbo I conversed with a young gentleman who I was told wanted to get my attention all night, but when it came time for the pickup line, all I got was a bizarre, continual request for high fives, which we all know, surely makes the girls SWOON.

Now, home and done reflecting, I realize I can finally put all the drama and more importantly, the BILLS behind me.

Then the mail comes, in it a "Save-The-Date" card... for the next wedding.

God, give me strength.

Friday, July 09, 2004

The Song Remains The Same

I was reading an article the other day about the supposed rebirth of alternative music. Suddenly, eager to rid the world of the dime a dozen alt rock bands like Nickelback and Puddle of Mudd, the industry is all a buzz with a new era of sound. Leading the pack are bands such as Modest Mouse, Franz Ferdinand, The Killers and the Yeah Yeah Yeah's.

It's too early to say, but already I'm feeling torn. While I'm all for good, new music (cause God knows it has been awhile), I'm still a little reluctant to call this "new" stuff revolutionary. Maybe it's my disgruntled twenty-something self talking here, but new bands that are ALSO original at this point, seem to be a bit of a myth.

Let's break a few down a bit, shall we?

Yeah Yeah Yeah's- Songs like "Tick" obviously owe their sound to the likes of eighties bands i.e. Berlin and with their breakout hit, "Maps" Chrisse Hynde called and wants her mojo back.

Franz Ferdinand- Is already doing The Strokes who are ALL doing early eighties rock/new wave (insert various names of artists here).

Modest Mouse- "Float On" and others, is The Talking Heads revisited with a bit of Squeeze's pop sensibility thrown in for good measure.

And let's not stop at the sound... have you seen pictures of these bands? It's like it's 1983 all over again complete with Flock of Seagulls inspired hair "creations" and the lead singer who has mastered the indiferrent stare.

There's also this little talked about concept called backlash. Eventually, these bands are bound to feel the pressure 1. from their underground fans who hate when indie becomes mainstream and 2. by reviewers and listeners who are eyeing them suspiciously, waiting for them to become the one hit bargain bin drop offs of a new generation.

I can remember about ten years ago when Dave Matthews had just started to become huge. Before then, their fan base was predominated by yuppy college kids making bootlegs of the 99th live version of "Tripping Billies". Fast forward some and those same yuppy college kids are now upper middle class, yuppy newlyweds shopping at Baby Gap instead of Aeropastle. There are even cover bands devoted to covering purely D. Matthews tunes. Suddenly, Matthews is the elder statesmen, the James Taylor of Generation X if you will.

Not that this is a bad thing. It's inevitable. Every generation needs their pop princess, their bad boy garage band, their eccentric, strangely loveable pop trio. All I'm saying is don't pass it off as fresh. The reason YOU like it so much falls into one of the following three categories:

1. The older generation. There's a familiarity to it. It reminds you of your own youth.
2. The younger generation. You identify with its rebelliousness, devil may care, (calculated) indifference.
3. You live under a rock. Didn't hear it the first time and you're just discovering this type of music. Yet since it was once a hit because it sounded good twenty years ago, everything old is new again.

All this being said, I do find myself bopping to a lot of these new tunes. I'm also constantly in the state of new artists making good music, despite what it sounds like here (so if you have any suggestions, please send 'em.)

Call it a comeback. Call it a tribute. Call it whatever you want.

Just don't call it new.
Thursday, July 08, 2004

Swimming With The Fishes

So there's this local radio station that has this thing called The Dead Pool. At least I think that's the name of it. Basically the premise is this: They take bets each week on who is going to die for the upcoming week. They then pool their money on this person (or perhaps persons...I really should learn to listen more). The DJ's place bets, as well as the listeners. I'm uncertain if anyone ever actually cashes in. Again, listening would help. Oh well.

This past week, after Marlon Brando died, they started polling the audiences for who is next to go. The popular vote, in the portion of the program I heard (which clearly wasn't the entire thing), went to Kirk Douglas.

Here's where the irony comes in. Yesterday morning I read the headline that Kirk Douglas' youngest son Eric, died. It turns out they had the right family, just the wrong Douglas.

So, I throw the question back to you. If you had to bet, who would you think would kick the bucket next, or on a different note, who would you knock off if you had the chance? I'll even start it off for you: I think I'd take William Shatner down.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

One Blogroll, Hold The Lettuce

I love how I continue to add stuff to my blog, never fully knowing or appreciating all that I can do with said stuff. It's like I see it and go, "Oh that must be cool, I gotta have it!" The effects of peer pressure are obviously, still lingering.

So, I've acquired all these "goodies" and I don't really know what the hell to do with them. I added a blog roll because it seemed like a quick and convenient way to add links. Of course there was also the everybody's doing it! factor I alluded to earlier, but whatever. Of course I don't really know if I am using said blog roll to its full potential. It's like when you are a child and you ask for all these toys at Christmas time. Eventually you get them, but you wonder how you can possibly play with them all. I have a notify list, a counter, some blog wise logo thingy and now..a blogroll. Ask me the importance of these things and I couldn't tell you.

While we are on the subject of things not working, does anybody know what is up with blogger lately? Updates are impossible to make, phantom posts are being made, and the comments section is multiplying faster than John Travolta's chills in Grease. (ahh, I kill me.)

That being said, if anyone knows how to put my newly added toys to good use OR any good toys that I should be using, feel free to comment. I should get it eventually, if not once, at least forty-five times.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Food For Thought

This weekend I had a craving for Chinese food (then again with me, that goes without saying). There's this slightly "upscale" looking chinese restaurant nearby called P.F. Chang's but we never ventured over there before because we just assumed it would be too pricey. (what can I say, we're poor.)

So, imagine our surprise when searching the Internet, we found a menu online for P.F. Chang's that wasn't really pricey at all. We decided to try it. I ordered my usual personal fave, Kung Pao Chicken. My boyfriend ordered Moo Shu Chicken.

We opened our food (had it to go) and suddenly it became apparent to me why P.F Chang's really was too good to be true.

First off, the portions were like half the size you get at a regular Chinese restaurant. Now not that you need all that food, it's always great to have leftover Chinese to go back to. It's also great to eat Chinese food hot or cold. That's part of what makes it so fabulous. But back to the portion size. It was small and there were NO vegetables. I have never ordered Kung Pao anything and not gotten some baby corn or broccoli bits or whatever thrown in. I'm assuming that was extra along with my favorite skinny chinese noodles and any type of egg roll.

Also anyone who has ever had Kung Pao anything knows that this is SUPPOSED to be a spicy dish. Not only was this dish so not spicy, it tasted like Terryiaki chicken you might get from the free samples at the food court...well, my food court anyway.

Not to come off as a restaurantuer or anything like that, but while I'm critiquing the meal, I might as well tell you about the rest of the items we ordered.

Hot and Sour Soup- eh ok. A little thick for my taste.

Moo Shu Chicken- didn't have any, but I know it wasn't a big hit with my bf

Spring Rolls- Holy a lot of cabbage in there and ZERO spice

Now I just went online and googled P.F Chang's + sucks. Not surprisingly, I got a TON of results. The concensus was that P.F Chang's : Chinese food as Olive Garden : Italian or Taco Bell : Mexican. Basically it's fast food formatted for the masses. I have to disagree though since in my opinion, I have gotten tasty tacos at TB and personally LOVE OG's Lobster Spaghetti as well as their never ending soup/salad combo...I mean COME ON!

I don't really know what the moral of this post is. I suppose if you've learned anything, heed my warning, don't believe the hype and DON'T go to P.F Chang's.

If you head out to Olive Garden though, tell them I said hi.
Friday, July 02, 2004

Regrets, I've Had A Few

Unless you've been living under a rock and/or you are over the age of 65, you have probably heard the song "The Reason". "The Reason" is a pretty, alternative pop ballad that is currently being overplayed on radio stations everywhere.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I LOVE "The Reason". Then again, I'm also not ashamed to admit I love Rick "Jessi's Girl" Springfield, but whatever. I AM, however, appalled to admit that a song like "The Reason" came from the creative minds of a band called...Hoobastank.

Before "The Reason" I guess these guys were predominantly known for their song "Crawling In The Dark" or as the kids these days are calling it, the red headed step sister of "The Reason". Let me give you an analogy. If "The Reason" was Ron Howard, "Crawling In The Dark" would be say, Clint Howard.

Still, with "Crawling In The Dark" I felt safe. It somehow seemed a befitting tune for a band called Hoobastank, both the band AND the song giving off a, "Oh yeah we suck, but watch us make millions" kinda vibe.

Then Hoobastank released "The Reason" and suddenly up is down, right is wrong...1 + 1 no longer equals two. It just simply does not add up.

So this brings me to the other day. I opened up a magazine and saw and article with the boys of Hoobastank. In a surprise twist of events, they are actually just as disgusted with their name as I am!

"When we started this band, that's the name we came up with," Robb says when asked about the band’s name. "That was 10 years ago — we were teenagers and it fit our music perfectly. It was party music. And as the band grew, the name stuck with us as the music changed...We're not saying it's a great name. Honestly, I think it's a retarded name! It's a horrible band name! It doesn't mean anything, but it did to us at one point. I think it shows that although we do have really serious songs, we don't take ourselves too seriously."

The boys also say that people ask them all the time what the band name actually DOES mean and in this particular article, they chose to not divulge. They did, however, say that people ask them constantly if they smell...lovely.

For the record, Hoobstank does not think they have the WORST name in rock n'roll. They think that honor goes to the band Disturbed.

Personally, I think Saliva has them both beat.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

If God Told You To Jump Off the Brooklyn Bridge...Would You Do It?

So, I was watching Oprah the other day and there was this guy on who had a near death experience. This experience inspired him to make a list of 100 adventurous things he wanted to do before he died...again. One of them, apparently, was to be on Oprah. (Personally, I think being a guest on Oprah is kinda pushing the envelope as to what most would deem adventurous, but that's neither here nor there). There was also this chick on the show who wanted to conquer her fear of bungee jumping, among others.

You hear about this a lot; people dying and coming back and deciding to "live for the moment", which suddenly includes doing things you didn't consider doing when you had yet to know what it was like to die. (wow, try saying THAT ten times fast!)

Here's what I don't get about the near death folks. It's great that you died and came back and all, but what in the hell (or heaven, as the case may be) do you see on the other side that makes you want to, all of a sudden, do things in THIS life that INCREASES your chances of going back AGAIN? I mean if it wasn't that bad to begin with, why didn't you just stick around?

You know what this tells me about dying? Everybody just needs to chill out. It can't be all THAT bad.

Just look at how many people are cool with going back.

To Whom It May Concern...

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blogging to bring you a special announcement:

I realize that by writing about the things I said I wouldn't write about that I indeed DID end up writing about them. This irony did not escape me (nor any of you). Thank you all for pointing out the obvious.

We now return you to your old school style of blogging, already in progress.



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