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"This is the most exciting day of my life...and I was pulled on stage once to dance at a Bruce Springsteen concert."
30 Rock


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Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear?

Birds are funny animals. They relocate at the drop of a hat. They shit wherever they want to. Hell, some of them even talk like people which manages to both intrigue me and freak me out at the same time.

But in the past few years I've noticed a growing epidemic among the bird population. I'm opening it up to everyone here because I'm not sure if this is just a Jersey bird thing or not. Then again, even if it was, they're flying somewhere south for winter so in that case, our birds might become your birds, and considering we share them the way divorced parents share their kids, it's all good.

Here's the thing I noticed. Birds have seemingly forgotten how to fly or even more disturbing, they don't want to. Now this is what I can't figure out. Maybe birds are like the rest of the culture, gaining weight and growing more lazy. Perhaps the young birds of today can't live up to the pressure of their elders, not unlike the work ethic of twenty somethings in relation to their parents.

As if this alone wasn't disturbing enough, another, even more frightening thought occured to me. Maybe birds don't want to live anymore. I mean I don't know what to believe. All I know is many, many times I'll be driving and see a bird cross my path. Excuse me, walking across my path. And each and every time I just want to scream:


Does this ever happen to anyone else?

Now I don't know about you, but I do know that if I were like a bird I'd do just what Nelly Furtado said; I'd only fly away. Seriously. How cool would that be? How many humans have wished they could fly? This alone is why we have extreme sports like skydiving, parachuting, bungee jumping and parasailing. We pay hundreds of dollars just to be close to something that birds do everyday of their lives.

Which makes me wonder. What if birds are more like us than we thought? What if this whole time we have been wishing we could fly, birds have been wishing they didn't have to? Maybe they're just daring to be different. And when one bird dares to be different you just know the rest of 'em are gonna follow's the whole birds of a feather flock together schtick and all of that jazz.

As this remains one of the many mysteries of the world I suppose I have to succumb to the fact that for now, I must yield to pedestrians and animals including deer, squirrels and now, yes now, even birds. Maybe one day birds will awaken from their funk and see how crazy they are being, but until that day, keep two hands on the wheel and your eyes, my friend, on the sparrow.



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