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I'm a down to earth girl who loves to laugh at others...I mean make others laugh.
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"This is the most exciting day of my life...and I was pulled on stage once to dance at a Bruce Springsteen concert."
30 Rock


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Sunday, June 11, 2006

Write Back Weekend "The Little Janet That Could"

My question this week came to you courtesy of the creative, Muttering Muse. The question was:

What would you attempt to do if you knew you couldn't fail?

As always, I was intrigued by the varying degrees of interpretations. Some of you took this question and looked at it from a truly altruistic perspective. You'd give back. You'd save the world. You'd give peace a chance.

Others of you saw the question and emphasized the YOU, instead choosing to focus on things you would do for yourself. You'd ask out any girl you could. You'd become invisible. You'd become invisible and say the heck with asking the girl out, I can do to her whatever I want anyway. You get the idea.

In all fairness, no matter which path you chose, you are both right. After all, I didn't really make it clear whether or not I wanted to hear things you would do for yourself or things you would do for others. I suppose you could say which path you chose says a lot about the kind of person you are, but that might be reading too much into it.

As for my interpretation of the question, I didn't think about it in terms of what you would do for others. I don't know what this says about me. No, instead what I what I saw it as was an opportunity to fulfill personal dreams that I might not attempt to otherwise. Altruism is admirable, but I'd be lying if I said that's where my head was at when I read it.

So now that we all know which interpretation I went with, I'm sure you'd like to know what it is I'd like to do. The first thing that came to my mind was that I'd like to be a successful writer/comedianne.

As corny as it sounds, for most of my life, I have inexplicably felt that I should be entertaining people on some level. Even writing this here feels a little weird, as if I shouldn't be admitting this in public. In a weird way, I have achieved that goal by writing for all 20 or so of you, day after day. When I was little, I thought I wanted to be a soap opera actress. I loved dancing and performing in front of others, but shyness stemming from a little something called puberty stunted my growth in this area of my life.

But the weird thing is this-- while I've never been the type of person to seek out the limelight, I think I can hold my own when I'm in it. I'll never forget making a video for a project my freshman year of high school English. My teacher commended me for really coming across as a true news reporter. In fact, most of my chance to show what I enjoyed doing came out in English class via papers I wrote and presentations I gave. The students in my classes didn't expect me to be witty and entertaining, because I was one of those "blend into the woodwork" type girls that roam around every school across the nation. Maybe you were even one of those yourself. Back then that made me potentially special, but now I'm just another girl with a dream.

In college, this streak continued. The few people who knew me always told me I was "hysterical", but I never felt the need to be the life of the party. Maybe that's because I never knew if it was true or not. Even now, people who just meet me in person are surprised to see that I am so wacky considering I initially come across as very serious. I guess this is because I also have to feel comfortable to show this side of myself. The notepad in my mind is always making mental notes for new "material" but I don't always have an audience for such thoughts.

While writing, humor and being surprisingly comfortable in front of a group of people have all been positive traits of mine, I never really thought about putting them all together until the last five years or so. One reason is when I watch comedy on television. This is when I think that there are very few successfully funny female comediannes out there. I also feel that I have a knack for going on and on about things most people normally have nothing to say about. If you don't believe me, just check out how long posts on random topics like spice and screen print tee shirts have been on this blog.

Unintentionally, a lot of the posts on this blog could be used as stand up material. Not that I have any idea what I am talking about considering I've never done stand up before. I mean I stood up before and I might have even been stood up before, but I've never done stand up before.

Then again, my current profession might be proof otherwise. As a teacher, I have to stand up and present things in an interesting and refreshing manner each day. Some days lessons bomb, other days they are "crowd pleasers". I imagine this is a lot like what it would feel like to actual be a writer/commedianne.

Unfortunately, there's one big thing I'm lacking, NERVE. In theory, I think I'd succeed at these things, but it's the unknown and the possibility of major failure that prevents me from even trying. It's also the idea that when you're in the public eye, you are also opening yourself up to public scrutiny. I don't need someone out there making fun of my physical flaws or hate mail telling me how NOT funny I am. Why risk that having that done to me when I can do that to others via this blog?

But seriously- There's something to be said for my good friend, anonymity. With this blog I can get my "material" out there, but still hide behind the screen if there are any virtual tomatoes being thrown at me. In a crowded club, there's no denying chants of "you suck!" while in blogland, you have time to compose yourself and think of a witty comeback in a day or two.

Perhaps one day, if it's meant to be, I will come out of the shadows and blossom into whatever it is I am supposed to be. Best Week Ever, you know where to find me. Until then, this little train will just keep chugging along.



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