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"This is the most exciting day of my life...and I was pulled on stage once to dance at a Bruce Springsteen concert."
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Friday, March 30, 2007

When The Rat's Away The Mice Will Play

Earlier this week I was in my classroom, minding my own business (and the business of twenty-one other people, if we're getting technical). A student of mine was in front of the room making an informal presentation. The rest of the class was seated, semi-paying attention to what was going on in front of the class. In other words, it was just like any other Tuesday afternoon.

Suddenly, while sitting behind my desk, I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. In fact, move might not be the right word I'm looking for here. Papers move when a breeze comes in from the courtyard. Chairs move as children get up to get a tissue or a drink of water. No, your run of the mill, everyday movement was definitely not what was taking place at this point in time. A better word to describe what I saw something had scurried across the room.

Let's pause for a second here and do a bit of word association, shall we? When you see the word scurry, what pops into mind? If you're thinking of some type, any type of creature, than you would be correct, sir. Now what exactly the creature was I'm still a bit uncertain. I'm going to go with the mouse/rat variety though for 500, Alex.

If I'm being honest, I really don't know the difference between a mouse and a rat. It's like telling the difference between Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. They are equally untalented and unnecessary in equal proportions. I feel the same way about rats and mice. I can't see a good reason for any of them to be inside any place I am, ever.

So, I saw the undefined creature quickly scurry across the room. Unfortunately he was going in the wrong direction, not headed for the door, but instead he was making a bee line to the computers near the window. I don't know what the ruling is on this one but can a rat still make a bee line? I'm just checking.

Anywho, all of this happened very quickly. The child was still talking and the kids were still semi paying attention. Of course this left a few kids who caught the expression on my face as I caught the creature in mid scurry. None of the kids, however, saw the creature with their own two eyes.

So one child says to me, "What is it? What did you see?" I was honest and said, "I don't know." Another child asked, "Was it a bug?" I said, "Not exactly."

At this point children jumped out of their seats and on to their desks. Now being that I was the adult in the room I couldn't very well go into red alert status. So I tried to be the kind of adult you have to be once you have kids to impress. I kept myself calm, cool and collected and told them all to get down off of their desks because there was nothing to be afraid of. I told them that "it" was probably more afraid of them then they were of it. All the time I was saying this I was hoping they were buying it. Meanwhile I was wishing I could have climbed atop my desk, too.

After the adult takes hold of the situation, the kids begin to look at you to solve the problem. I know, I still look to my parents to squash a big bug with a shoe and I'm twenty-nine years old. So I called the office in the hopes the janitor would be my surrogate dad, coming in and saving the day. I don't know what I was thinking he was going to do actually. Rats and mice are not exactly know for their settling down and calling any one place a home. My classroom is huge and full of many nooks and crannies, as is the whole school itself. Sure we are the beautiful school by the bay, but even the bay can't keep the mice away.

I called the secretary and confirmed what I thought I saw. She asked me if the children were freaking out and I said yes, though in their defense, they were all handling it pretty well. The sad reality is some of them have probably seen this before while me being the sheltered white girl that I am, had not. Then the secretary told me that the janitor would come up and check out the situation. Of course that never happened.

Eventually most of the kids blocked the incident out and went on with their work. They were actually better at doing this than I was. I propped the door open at one point in the hopes that if he was there he'd blow the joint and I'd get to see the blind mice finally run. After school I spoke to one of the janitors myself and mentioned what had happened. He didn't seem all that surprised as apparently there are a few in our building. So far they had only been seen on the first floor though. I was the first known sighting on the second floor. What an honor, I know. Of course it could be the same dirty rat who just likes to get around. Do rats "get around"? I guess we'll never know.

Where the mouse/rat is remains a mystery to me, along with many other mice related questions. For instance...Have we seen the last of the rat? Is the rat offended because he's really a mouse? and perhaps most importantly, How did Mickey manage to seem so damn cute?
Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Fallen Idol

So a few people have asked me why I have yet to talk about American Idol this season.

In the past you might have recalled me talking about it. I never excessively wrote about it, but of course, I always added my two cents. However, in the past, I have always been excited about watching American Idol. In fact, I sorta pride myself on doing a pretty good job at picking out the ones to watch. I loved seeing the world fall in love with Kelly Clarkson. I rejoiced in rooting for the underdog that was Clay Aiken. I supported country music in the likes of Carrie Underwood. I screamed with despair when Chris Daughtry was sent home too soon. Yes, with the exception of that Fantasia/Diana DeGarmo face off, American Idol I have worshiped.

But then the AI 2007 season kicked off and something strange happened. Right from the door I panicked. This was because when it came to Kelly, Clay, Carrie and Chris, I picked them out as favorites as early on in the audition process. I know not all of you have faith in my talent scouting abilities. You'll just have to trust me when I say that I'm telling the truth.

So this year when it came time to break it down audition style, I noticed that no one really STOOD OUT, head and shoulders above the rest. The only other time I had this feeling was the season where Fantasia Barrino eventually won. If you read between the lines, we all know how I feel about that. I was afraid that American Idol Six was going to be like Fantasia's season, part two. Now that we are down to the top ten, it looks like my worst fears are being confirmed.

One thing that really gets me is how AI adds more and more bad auditions every year. This year we had weeks upon weeks of out of tune "singing". Then we finally made it to the 48. The 48 were dwindled down to the 24 in one night. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is a singing competition. Why are we spending more time on people who cannot sing rather than seeing people who actually can?

Eventually we made it to the top twenty-four. Whatever. I'm looking at the top 12 girls and the 12 boys and I found myself saying "Huh? Who? What now?" a hell of a lot this year. Sure, there were some people's face that I recognized. Yes, there were some names that rang a bell, too. But more often than not it was like playing some grand childhood game of Memory. I would turn one card over, recognize the face, and never find the match. Man, could that game get frutrating at times. Now you can see how I feel about watching AI.

During the top twenty-four performances a few singers did manage to stand out to me. Actually I'm not sure you'd really call it "standing out" considering no one really wowed me that much. Instead I'd have to say that a few of them "stood a little differently than the rest". There. That's better. Those people included girls like Jordin "Ugly Betty" Sparks, Melinda "I Have No Neck But I Have One Big Voice" Doolittle and Lakisha "Single Mom" Jones. The boys that caught my eye were Chris "Don't Call Me Jack Osbourne" Sligh, Blake "Beatboxing" Lewis and Phil "I Look Ten Times Better When I Wear A Hat" Stacey. Those were my favorites in the beginning and they remain my favorites today. Somehow there's something "been there, done that" about the girls. The boys, meanwhile, have individuality on their sides, but time will tell if they have IT. Still, when someone wrongfully goes home because of Sanjaya "the Indian El Debarge" Malakar, I simply shrug my shoulders and move on.

So there you have it. I finally wrote about why AI isn't really worth writing about this year. Don't get me wrong. I think these people are talented. I guess I just never felt enough UMPH to really write about such talent. EIther that I am getting too old for this crap.

You choose.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Tell It To Me Tuesday "Damn The Man! Save The Empire!"

I came up with my "out there" idea for this week's TITMT question after getting involved with the brewing SoapNet network "scandal". Besides my vague mention of it here this past weekend, most people who read AOGB probably do not know about what's going on. Then again considering you are all friends of AOGB and readers of mine, I figured I might as well share this information with you. Hopefully you'll indulge my tangent considering unlike many who are involved in this, I have a platform in which to air my complaints.

SoapNet is a cable network that plays both old and new, prime time and daytime soap operas or soap-opera "type" shows. Back in 2003 the network acquired the rights to nearly 9,000 episodes of the defunct soap opera, Another World. It has been fun reliving my glory days of youth experiencing the time warp back to the year 1991 on a daily basis.

Only recently however, SoapNet acquired the rights to play a recently canceled The OC and the probably will be canceled any day now, One Tree Hill. No problem, right? Considering there are 24 usable programming hours in any given day. Only thing is SoapNet has an impending lineup that is so off the wall, it's insane. On their new lineup. OTH airs twice a day along with The OC and 90210. I'm also hearing that Dallas is going to air a whopping, are you ready for this, four times in one freakin' day! J.R. or no J.R., that's entirely too much Dallas if you ask me! Meanwhile classic, true blue soaps like Another World are off the lineup indefinitely.

Needless to say fans of Another World, both old and new, are outraged by this decision. Unlike fans of The OC, OTH and even Dallas to a certain extent, we do not have the luxury of seeing our show in repeats on other networks or the opportunity to purchase our favorite episodes on DVD.

Unfortunately for SoapNet it did not know it would awaken a sleeping giant by not treating AW fans with respect. As a result, there has been an overwhelming outpouring of support from fans of the show through emails, messages and phone calls. SoapNet has told some callers that their opinions do matter and that "no official decisions have been made". Only time will tell if this is true or not. This is why I'm writing about it here, to get the message out that SoapNet cannot and should not take away a program that is beloved by so many and for all wrong and unnecessary reasons at that.

Remember, you need not be a fan of the show or even the network. It's all about safety in numbers though people. And it's also about principle, plain and simple If you are interested in learning more or contributing to the cause there are a number of ways you can show your support. :

1. Sign the petition to keep Another World on the air.
2. Send an email to the powers that be over at SoapNet.
3. Send an email to people you know who may or may not watch the network and tell them to join in the cause.
4. Call SoapNet at (818) 569-3333 to show your support.
5. ? Perhaps another option we haven't thought of...yet.

So I know I took a long road to get to today's question but here we are, finally arriving at our destination.

Did you ever fight back against something you thought was wrong? What was it you fought against and why were you fighting? Do you feel your efforts were in vain? Why or why not?

If you are participating on your blog, the rules are simple:

1. Answer this question ON YOUR BLOG and THEN link back to it via the box below.
2. Leave a comment letting me know you played along.
3. If you are interested in adding the box to your site, please visit Mister Linky.
4. If you have any questions or you're confused just ASK!

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Write Back Weekend "Follow You Around, In The Background"

They say that a man (or woman) is only as good as the man (or woman) behind them. The following list is a list of people who prove exactly that. While the leading actress or actor certainly did most of the shining, these actors also managed to steal the show, whether it was intentional or not.

Small Screen

1. Richard "Boner" Stabone- Growing Pains: Just like I have said before and I know I will say again, you know it was the eighties when the character's name was Boner and no one snickered under their breath. The lovable Boner was played by actor Andrew Koenig from 1985 to 1989. He was one of two of Mike Seaver's best friends on the show. He was the slightly dim-witted friend, you know, before it was a given that there had to be a slightly dim-witted friend in the mix. When it came to dim-witted, nobody had done it better.

2. Six- Blossom
: I don't know why, but people don't really talk much about Blossom anymore. Back in the nineties though, that show was a huge hit amongst teenage girls like myself. The focus was of course on the free-spirited Blossom, but Blossom's best friend Six, played by Jenna Von Oy was a great scene stealer. Some of my favorite moments revolved around fast talking dialogue between Six and her and her perfectly cast mother, Gail Edwards. Equally great was the story of how Six got her name. "Because that's how many beers it took."

3. Erwin "Skippy" Handleman- Family Ties: Family Ties was one of those rare ensemble shows where everyone brought something truly unique to the role they played. Marc Price's Skippy was the boy next door who lusted after Mallory Keaton (played by Justine Bateman). They still managed to give him so great one-liners, even if Mallory wasn't in the mix. Back then, no one did bumbling better.

4. Pacey Witter- Dawson's Creek: Dawson's Creek was a cleverly acted, cleverly written show created by Kevin Williamson. At the time, many argued that teens really didn't talk that way. It didn't matter though because all teens everywhere loved The Creek. More than anything else, Dawson's Creek prided itself on creating the best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) angst ridden situations of its day.

The focus was supposed to be on main character Dawson Leery played by James Van Der Beek, but a funny thing happened while Dawson's Creek was on the air. Suddenly the characters, and the actors popularity, evolved. Suddenly we found Joey Potter (Katie Holmes) who was in love with Dawson from day one, torn between her newfound feelings for another boy who lived in the creek, Pacey Witter (Joshua Jackson). This was another great thing about Dawson's Creek, self-actualization. As the writers were realizing Joshua Jackson the actor had more to offer, Pacey was having the exact same realization. "Pacey : You know what, your absolutely right. I'm sick and tired of being Dawson Leery's sidekick. I'm gonna get my own story line!"

In the end, this was one of the best cases where the best friend didn't pine in vain as Joey Potter ultimately rode off into the sunset--with him.

5. Seth Cohen- The OC: Right now I have feelings of ambivalence about The OC. When it first came on I loved it. I loved it because Seth Cohen (Adam Brody) actually reminded me of my love for Pacey Witter. He was cute, smart and sexy in a non-threatening sort of way. In my opinion, Seth was the reason to tune in each week, although the other characters did their jobs well, too. In the beginning he also was decidedly the second banana to the main character of the brooding loner, Ryan Atwood played by Benjamin "don't call me a young Russell Crowe" McKenzie. Eventually though the writers came around to the idea of giving Seth a storyline or two of his own. The first two years or so The OC seemed untouchable. But the star faded fast and fell hard. Now The OC will be added to SoapNet's new lineup. I'm upset about this because it seems it is being added at the expense of losing classic Another World episodes (call and complain people!)

6. Ed Norton- Honeymooners: I never watched all of The Honeymooners, however I think it would be sad if I did not include one of the most popular, and influential, sidekicks, ever. The lovable Art Carney portrayed Ed Norton and played off Jackie Gleason superbly. If you want to know where the sidekick got it's kickoff, look no further than Ed Norton (the character, not the actor)!

7. Buddy Lembeck- Charles In Charge:
: In the late seventies, early eighties the ladies were all about Scott Baio. Eventually the character of Chachi from Happy Days evolved into Charles on Charles In Charles. Although writers never said the characters were supposed to be one in the same, they did share the same good looks, quirky friends and mother (played by Ellen Travolta).

Part of what made Charles In Charge so great was the dialogue between straight-laced and smart Charles and his not so straight-laced and smart friend, Buddy Lembeck (played by Willie Aames). In the beginning, Buddy just lacked the occasional bit of common sense. As time marched on however, they realized that the sillier that Buddy got, the more popular the show got. There was a period of time there that one would wonder how someone like Charles could ever have a friend like Buddy. Despite all the hilarity, in fact, maybe because of it, Charles In Charge worked.

8. Brian Griffin- Family Guy: An unconventional choice to some, Brian Griffin is the talking dog in the quirky Griffin family on the adult cartoon, The Family Guy. Although the show is primarily about Peter Griffin and his wife Lois, they switch things up by making the intelligent character a sidekick dog who can talk. For this alone, Family Guy is brilliant and Brian's dry wit is definitely worth tuning in for. In a way it only makes sense a dog would make this list. After all, they are man's best sidekick!

9. Javier and Meghan- Felicity: In the late nineties, early 2000's Felicity was all any college aged youth could talk about. Who will Felicity end up with Noel or Ben? Ben or Noel? While this in itself made Felicity something worth tuning in for, it also had some of the best ensemble casting, ever. Meghan, played by Amanda Foreman, was the slightly psychotic roommate that Felicity got randomly paired up with freshman year. Only instead of having Felicity be able to escape her antics, they wrote her in for all four years, stealing the show every chance she got.

Along the way Felicity also got a job at Dean & DeLuca. There she met her eccentric boss, Javier. Ian Gomez was playing a few great character actor roles at the same time. Each one was equally brilliant. Javier could have been a flash in the pan but Gomez carved him into something equally quirky and catchy, all at the same time.

10. Dr. George O'Malley- Grey's Anatomy:
When Grey's Anatomy first came on the air all anyone could talk about was McDreamy, played by Patrick Dempsey. But Grey's is all about getting it right. They know that a show, and its leading man, is only as great as the characters around him (or her). George (played by T.R. Knight) seemed doomed to be in second banana status for the duration of Grey's run, pining after one intern or another from a quiet, safe distance, stuck in the "friend zone" for life. A few years ago maybe that would have been the case. But nowadays, people like quirky and non-conventional. As the way things stand right now, George is lo and behold, more of a leading man screen time wise than McDreamy. In a way though, that makes him king of the sidekicks.

Big Screen

1. Phil "Duckie" Dale- Pretty In Pink: In the classic eighties teen angst, Pretty In Pink, Duckie (played by Jon Cryer) was the quintessential best friend. The guy who you turned to when you needed a shoulder to cry on or for someone to pick up the pieces. Only Andie Walsh (played by Molly Ringwald) never took into account that Ducky needed someone's shoulder to cry on, too. Best scene is when Duckie busts loose in the book store, lip synching to Try A Little Tenderness.

2. Mini Me- Austin Powers: Sure Scott (Seth Green) should have been the one who had daddy's affections, but for Dr. Evil (Mike Myers), Mini Me (Verne Troyer) was his true companion, and partner in crime.

3. Kenickie- Grease: When people think about Rydell High, they remember Danny Zuko (John Travolta) first, Kenickie (Jeff Conaway) second. But then again, isn't that what being a great sidekick is all about? I always had the feeling that if Kenickie transferred to another school he might have been the Danny Zuko there. But as we all know, there can only be one Danny. That's ok though because nobody rode shotgun better than Kenickie.

4. Trigger- Like Father, Like Son:
Once upon a time it looked like Kirk Cameron was going to have a successful movie career. But then he got all weird and religious and he bowed out gracefully from the place he was so obviously being groomed for. Like Father, Like Son remains as evidence that Kirk Cameron would have made the transition nicely, but it is also evidence that Sean Astin as his best friend, Trigger was being groomed for a sterling string of second banana roles himself. Nowadays Astin makes a pretty penny off of being the guy who is sorta, kinda in the background, proving that in the background is not always a bad place to be.

5. Chris Knight-Real Genius: Real Genius was a story about a bunch of nerdy college students. The lead character was really an actor Gabe Jarret. He played Mitch Taylor, the super bright high school student who skipped a few grades but socially was out of his league. That is, of course, until he paired up with equally smart (but socially ept) Chris Knight, played by Val Kilmer. At the time, Kilmer was just beginning to develop a strong movie career. Now if you look at boxes for Real Genius it makes him look like he was the star. If you watch the movie more closely though you will realize he was just the opening act.

6. Cameron Frye- Ferris Bueller's Day Off: Every kid at sometime or another has dreamed about all the things they could accomplish if they were cool enough to skip school. Well, Ferris Bueller was a movie about just that. Ferris, played by Matthew Broderick, was an extremely popular boy who stays home "sick" from school for one day. Although he is very charming, he inexplicably is best friend's with a rather nerdy, uptight Cameron, played by Alan Ruck. Although they are very different, somehow their friendship works. You also get to see Cameron come to a true evolution through Ruck's portrayal, not an easy feat to accomplish in two hours or less.

7. Goose- Top Gun: Top Gun was hot back in the eighties because it had a little bit of everything. Romance for the girls, action for the guys. Tough guys to make girls swoon, tough guys for regular guys to appreciate. Oh, and it featured rapidly rising star, Tom Cruise, too. But Tom Cruise's Maverick was only as good as the partner he has beside him. Goose, played by Anthony Edwards, was the partner every little boy who went off to the military would love to have.

8. Lucas- Lucas:
I know that Lucas is a bit of an unconventional choice. After all, how can you be considered a supporting player when the movie is named after you? Only if you've ever seen Lucas you know that he was actually a supporting player in his own life. Lucas was a nerdy kid who loved to look at bugs and books, until he met new girl, Maggie (played by Kerri Green). Even he didn't think he was too important in the grand scheme of things. Lucas, played by Corey Haim (before he got all crazy) represented all second banana's out there, proving that somehow, someway you too can get your turn in the limelight.

9. Lenny Haise- That Thing You Do!:
Anyone who knows me knows about my love for the film, That Thing You Do! Initially my love started out of curiosity considering my Ethan Embry was in the movie. While I loved seeing Ethan, that is the one complaint I always had about this otherwise excellent film, that they didn't flesh out his character enough. His name was only the bass player, if that says anything to you.

But then there was Tom Everett Scott who was the second banana/leading man in disguise. He played Shades with conviction and for that, I grew to love TES, too. So why then, knowing all of this, would I choose to list Lenny as the best sidekick in the movie? Well, that's because he was the only one who was truly a sidekick for sidekick's sake. He wasn't a major player and yet his presence would have been missed if it was not there. Steve Zahn, the actor who played Lenny, delivered some great one-liners that if I didn't know any better, I would swear were ad libbed. He's more than a great sidekick in a movie. He's the type of guy you'd love to have as a sidekick in life, too.

10. Garth Algar- Wayne's World: It all started as a small time skit on SNL. The premise was simple; two teenage losers broadcast a wanna be talk show from their parents basement. Not only did it succeed on the small screen, it worked on the big screen, too. Wayne's World was the pet project of Wayne, Mike Myers. As we all know, Myers went on to star and write many other successful projects. But people forget that part of what made Wayne's World and SNL for that matter, so great was Dana Carvey who portrayed Garth. The chemistry between Wayne and Garth was great. They made stupid look brilliant which is no easy feat to do. Life seemingly imitated art, too. Dana Carvey, once the crowing jewel of SNL, went on to be a second banana of sorts, never quite making it to leading man status.

I guess that just goes to show. Good supporting actors have your back while managing somehow to come out in front, too.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Cause You Gotta Have Faith

As some of you may or may not have noticed, I've been posting less infrequently here over the last few weeks. Try as I might, I just haven't had the time to write (or comment) as much as I'd like to. I do, however, have good reason as to why I've been rather MIA lately. Now that things are dying down a bit, my intention is to turn what has been keeping me from posting lately into posts themselves. Pretty clever, right?

Ever since I got engaged, it's been a whirlwind of activity. My goal from the beginning was to have my wedding May of 2008. Sometimes I make the mistake of just saying "May" and people think I'm talking about the month of May that is less than 90 days away. Most of those people are guys though and probably have no clue what goes into wedding planning, so I digress. Still the clarification is there for any of those who might need it.

Everyone says that you should bask in the glow of being engaged for a few weeks. Only when time is of the essence and you need to have a few things out of the way before you can relax, it's easier said than done. So the first things on my agenda were location and date. Once those things are in place, the rest will fall

But this post isn't about venues. That's another topic for another time. This post is about the aggravation that I never anticipated when planning a wedding. I guess that's because before this one, I never had any vested interest in any one wedding. Sure I've been in weddings and attended many weddings. But all I had to then was show up. I didn't have to worry about the how's, when's and why's. Now that the tables have turned, I know better.

Everyone's picture of the typical wedding is different. Let's do some word association, shall we? Most people hear the word wedding and they think: white, church, bridesmaids, dress or something of that effect. But when envisioning my own wedding, I wanted to be much more lax. One of the first roadblocks we hit was where to have the ceremony.

For awhile now I assumed I would marry at the location instead of in a church. My reasons for this are simple. I was raised Roman Catholic while my "fiance" (man, do I hate that pretentious word) was raised Baptist. Neither one of us have carried strong beliefs into our adult lives though and since I know that the Roman Catholic church can be a bit of a bear to deal with, I just assumed we'd go the route of getting married on site.

There are advantages to this decision, too. If we get married at the place we are having the reception we have the opportunity to have a picturesque waterside or garden type wedding. It's also more convenient for our guests. No one has to go to the church and then have that awkward four hour period in between the church and the reception. It also increases the expected turnout of people who will be at your actual ceremony. Cause let's face it. Most people show up to weddings for the five hour premium bar, not to bear witness to the actual I Do's.

Of course where there's an upside there's a downside, too. Getting married at the place leaves less time to take pictures since your time is limited. It also can be a bit nerve-wrecking weather wise, not knowing if your beautiful outside wedding will even be possible until the day of. But perhaps the biggest headache of all is who will do the actual I now pronounce you...part. You know, the wedding itself.

Now my "fiance" (yes I will probably always sarcastically place the word in quotes) really doesn't care either way. In fact, his idea of a dream wedding is me, him and an Elvis impersonator. Ok, maybe not a wedding fit for a performed by the King, but something short, sweet, simple and private. But I'm a girl and silly me wanted to wear a white dress and have bridesmaids. Now I can't complain about wedding plans because he gets the "I told you so" look on his face. So the fact that the ceremony is an issue is a non-issue to him. He also believed we were going to get married in a church, but he figured we would get married in a church, period. So because he attended a Presbyterian church wedding he thought it might be nice if we went the more laid back, Presbyterian church wedding way. Never mind the fact that neither one of us are actually Presbyterian. Discuss.

Of course as anyone who has ever planned a wedding knows, the day rarely is about you and your significant other alone. Suddenly it becomes how other people are going to feel about this and that. So my parents have become quite vocal in the process of wedding planning. I can't complain however, because I'm an only child and they are footing the bill. But to say every step of the wedding planning thus far has been a challenge would be the understatement of the year.

The first major hurdle ceremony wise occurred when I told them we were thinking about getting married at the reception place. My parents got married in 1968. They're both in their mix sixties now. Neither one of them would have ever dreamed of attempting such a thing back in the day. Only problem is time has marched on. They apparently, have not. Although I know it is my wedding my parents have a way of instilling guilt in me that is impossible to explain if you don't have parents like these. They are well intentioned and understanding to a point, but their approval is important. Dammit it to all hell, but it's true.

At first they were "appalled" that I was considering having a ceremony at the place instead of in a church. But then I went into my reasons for not opting for the church wedding. It included all of the above and then some. Being that I am Roman Catholic I know that the Roman Catholic church makes you jump through the most hoops. So I didn't even know if the Roman Catholic church would let us marry there considering we were from different faiths. I also knew that marrying in the R.C. church meant attending Pre Cana classes which make you promise verbally to raise your children (if you have them) Roman Catholic one day. Some even make you promise to convert if you are not already Roman Catholic. We can say the words, but we won't mean them. And in my mind, committing a "sin" of lying before you even book the church makes me feel dirtier than if I had never went to the church in the first place.

So my parents calmed down a bit when they heard there were a list of officiants that would marry us that were Roman Catholic priests. Only the more we read the fine print the more we realized they probably weren't completely, "Roman Catholic priests". This is because many of them were referred to as "Married Roman Catholic priests". If that's not an oxymoron, I don't know what is. Add to the fact that if you get married outside of the Roman Catholic church it is not "recognized" by them unless you are blessed by them on the side. It's all so silly really. Anything you do with the R.C. church can be undone. All you gotta say is oops, my bad.

When my parents got wind of the fact that someone else, like a minister or deacon would most likely be marrying us, they were back to being disappointed again. This to me was ridiculous. I hadn't said this earlier, but we are not a religious family. Sure I was baptized, made my penance, communion and confirmation. But after I didn't have to go to church anymore I pretty much didn't go. Interestingly enough my mom stopped going, too. My dad never really went so there's nothing that's changed there. So to cling to this highly Catholic ceremony is absurd to someone like me who has never been all that religious.

Meanwhile my "fiance" was raised in a much more religious family. He isn't religious now, but his mom still sings in the choir and his dad reads the bible on a regular basis. If anyone should be mad about the ceremony not being of their faith it should be his parents, not mine. But just to appease the parental units I decided to call my local church just to prove how hard they were going to make it for us.

So I called and gave my information to a secretary. She said she couldn't tell me availability because the priest would give me all of that info when he called me back. Only problem is, he never called me back. I hear it can take weeks at a time for a church to return your phone calls. Meanwhile they expect you wait in the wings about booking the reception hall. Not only is that rude, it's also unrealistic. Sure, I can wait to hear back from the priest, but that also means I'm taking a big risk losing the reception hall I want, too.

Plus the church could very well call me back and then give me bad news anyhow. For instance, my tentative dates might already be taken. For another thing, we may not even be "allowed" to marry there after all. The secretary asked if my "fiance" was baptized and I said yes, not really knowing the answer to that question. I didn't know if Baptists were baptized because I'm not Baptist. When the answer was yes, there was no problem. But when I spoke to him he said he really didn't think he was. So now I don't know what that means, but it probably means more work for us which is exactly what I DON'T want to hear at this point.

This is why my gut tells me to just book the location and let the chips fall where they may, so to speak. If we book a date and then book everything else around it, it's a lot less aggravation. I'm not a highly religious person, but that doesn't mean I'm not a good person. I believe in heaven. I believe in hell. And most of all I believe in God. I also believe God will love me, whether I decide to get married in one of his many houses or just under the sky of his one big house, too. If it works out it's in a church, great. If not, that's fine too.

Just as long as I don't get married by Elvis. That's all I can really ask for at this point.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Tell It To Me Tuesday "It Takes Two"

How many times have you watched a movie or television show and thought the leading actor or actress did a good job? Now I ask you, how many of those times have you seen a leading actor or actress and thought they did a good job, but the supporting actor or actress was actually better?

Well, this post is dedicated to the scene stealer's of both the big and small screen. So today's TITMT question is...

Who, in your opinion, were the best sidekicks of all time and why?

If you are participating on your blog, the rules are simple:

1. Answer this question ON YOUR BLOG and THEN link back to it via the box below.
2. Leave a comment letting me know you played along.
3. If you are interested in adding the box to your site, please visit Mister Linky.
4. If you have any questions or you're confused just ASK!

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Write Back Weekend " Sad Bad Songs Say So Much"

So here we are again, about to embark together on a journey into the world's worst music. Why do I do this to you, or more importantly, myself? Well it's like the great lyrical team of Gloria Loring and Alan Thicke once said, "You take the good, you take the bad..." In my mind you learn to appreciate good music more by acknowledging bad music, too. It's only from our mistakes can we learn and not be doomed to repeat them.

What lies before you are a list of songs that should have never been made. Of course there are many others. There are always others. All the world can hope for now is that they will never be remade, again.

1. Walk the Dinosaur- Was Not Was: This song had a matching video complete with a dance back in the eighties. It's bad more in a silly way more than the others. In other words, it wasn't trying to be the world's next pop masterpiece. On some level its recording is made excusable by having this knowledge. However a song about "walking the dinosaur" shouldn't have been made then, now or ever, so it still made the cut.

2. Make Em Say Uhhh!- Master P Feat. Silkk, Fiend, Mia-X And Mystikal:
Listen, I have had my fair share of rap songs that I have enjoyed. But seriously. Some of these things that rappers try to pass off as "songs" are ridiculous. So as a result, I chose Make Em Say Uhhh to represent the horrible rap songs out there instead of listing all of them here. You're welcome.

3. Spin the Black Circle- Pearl Jam:
I've always enjoyed Pearl Jam the band. No wait, that's not entirely true. When Pearl Jam first became popular I was extremely reluctant to trade in my hair band roots for Seattle rock grunge. But after hearing songs like Alive and Jeremy, I came around to the idea. Spin The Black Circle on the other hand, is just obnoxious and redundant. I can't decide which quality is more annoying.

4. Rich Girl- Gwen Stefani: Here's the thing. I understand what Gwen Stefani was trying to do with this song. Only problem is, in my mind, it simply didn't work. It's a pop ripoff of Fiddler on the Roof. And really, who ever needed the worlds of arranged, Orthodox Jewish marriages and bare midriffs to be brought together in holy matrimony?

5. Who Let The Dogs Out?- Baha Men: It's grown men, barking. I think my work is done here.

6. Rock Me Amadeus- Falco: This is one of the few songs on this list that has the distinction of making the worst of videos and the worst of songs, period. It should be honored, or not, as the case may be. All the reasons I hated it then are the same reasons I hate it now. There's really no reason to say it twice.

7. She Blinded Me With Science- Thomas Dolby: Years ago this song actually scared me. Why is he shouting at me? What is he shouting about? How can you blind someone with science anyhow? Throw a beaker of sulfuric acid in their eyes during chem lab? And if that's the case, why didn't you just say that in the first place? I'm confused.

8. She Bangs- Ricky Martin: Ok, in my defense this song was way annoying long before the days of William Hung. As soon as I hated this song it was hate at first listen. What makes it all the more grating is that chorus sticks to your ribs, long after you've heard it. You need only hear it once to have it ruin your life forever. If you have h heard it and now the mere mention of it has the song, once again lodged in your brain, you know what I'm talking about. I'm sorry, but I had to prove a point.

9. Shiny Happy People- REM: Listen, REM had a lot of great songs. Unfortunately Shiny Happy People was far from being the finest hour. It's one three minute and change acid trip. It might have fit in perfectly at Woodstock but in the nineties, it stood out like Barry Manilow ad a Metallica concert.

10. Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm- Crash Test Dummies: There are people out there that actually enjoy this song. There are people out there that actually paid money for this song. Never mind the fact that at least half of the song is just the singer's mumbling of the words, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm. I understand that it's creepy and that it's also novelty. But that doesn't mean creepy novelty can't also equal crap.

11. You're Having My Baby- Paul Anka: To somebody, somewhere You're Having My Baby is a lovely way to say I love you. But it's great in a, "guy writes a song to his wife and then never, ever, ever, ever shares it with anyone else, ever again" sorta way.

12. Mr. Roboto- Styx:
This is another song that also made the worst of list video wise. Dennis De Young had such a killer voice, even if you didn't always like Styx's music. This song serves no purpose though as it doesn't show off that voice. I think it was a lame attempt to be hip (in an eighties way) at the time. I'm afraid, h however, that it backfired miserably.

13. Butterfly Kisses- Bob Carlisle: I know I'm going to get a lot of protests with this one. As it stands, it is still a popular father/daughter dance song at weddings. I can't help it though. This song has always creeped me out. Its sentiment is sweet and well-intentioned, I suppose. I think my main problem is though that it just doesn't work as a song. A poem, perhaps, but not a song. It's way too wordy. It's like they're trying to cram words that don't belong to make it rhyme. Oh and the dad's obsession with the daughter is just a little too suffocating for my tastes, but hey that's me.

14. Lovin' You- Minnie Riperton: I always thought this song came across like some sort of joke. Like no one could seriously record this and get away with it. So when you think about the fact that Riperton's daughter, Maya Rudolph, is now a singer/comedianne, maybe she was only half serious at the time. At least the world can only hope. It is probably on a list somewhere of hits songs with the fewest words ever spoken. The high notes are impressive, sure but not in an enjoyable sort of way. It reminds me of the scene in Dirty Dancing when the sister sings "Away, Away, Aaaaaaawaaaaaay!!!" Now those are some bad high notes at their finest.

15. Pets- Porno for Pyros:
I never understood America's brief fascination with Perry Farrell, Jane's Addiction or ultimately, Porno For Pyros. Jane's Addicition's Jane Said eventually grew on me, but Pets never did. I suppose it's trying to be a deep commentary on our times. But when it's comment is literally the words "We'll make great pets!" eight times in a row, the meaning, if there ever was one, is lost on me.

16. Live For Loving You- Gloria Estefan:
When I look back on my life thus far and I can clearly break it down into two distinct time periods, both of which revolve around Gloria Estefan. The first half of my life when I loved Gloria Estefan, and the second part of my life where she makes my ears bleed.

First there were the early, Miami Sound Machine years. I loved songs like Words Get In The Way, Conga, and Anything For You along with the rest of the world. But there were signs, in retrospect, that an overthrow was underway. Songs like Bad Boys and 1,2,3,4 held my interest but also infuriated me at the same time. And then the early nineties came. She fell down but her career got back up. Then we had songs like the one that made the list here, Live For Loving You. It's a tropical nightmare that I simply cannot excuse, even if this is the same lady who insisted that the rhythm was indeed, going to get me.
Friday, March 16, 2007

AOGB Classic: Erin Go Blah's

I have a new post I almost published today, but then I thought to myself, why not make it an AOGB Classic day instead? This was so that I can honor my heritage and the holiday that is coming tomorrow. St. Patrick's Day!

A top of the morning and happy pre-Saint Patrick's Day to ya! Since my last name is Branagan, I would feel remiss if I did not acknowledge the holiday, although somehow I didn't do anything on it last year. I look the part too, only I feel like a fraud considering I'm 50% Italian and only something like 25 or 30% Irish. Shh, don't tell anybody.

Every Saint Patrick's Day there are three things I do to get me "in the mood".

First, sometime in the month of March, I get a mint flavored, shamrock shake from McDonalds. This year I was even tempted to add a little vodka to make it extra magically delicious, but I never did. The other things I do is wear green and eat cornbeef and cabbage, though not necessarily at the same time. That would too much like Irish overload.

I always found St. Patrick's Day to be a bit of an odd holiday. If you ask me, it's just an excuse for all Americans, no matter their nationality, to shack up with the shamrocks. Why? Well, because the Irish are known primarily for two things: adding an O' or a Mc to everything and getting hammered.

Which brings me to why I'm writing about St. Patrick's Day to begin with. What do the Irish really bring to the table anyway? Now I can say this because again, I'm part Irish. You know the rule. But let's review, quickly some of the things the Irish are most famous for:

1. Drinking
2. Cornbeef and Cabbage
3. Irish Soda Bread
4. Shamrocks
5. Aidan Quinn
6. Leprechauns
7. Irish Spring Soap
8. Riverdance
9. Bono
10. Lucky Charms cereal

Don't get me wrong. I love all of those things. You can't see me, but right now but one quarter or so of my Irish eyes are smiling.

But to celebrate, more or less, the same things year after year seems a little bit redundant, doesn't it? Meanwhile, the rest of the year I feel like my ode to the Irish should be taken from the lyrical pages of Ms. Janet Jackson, What have you done for me lately?

I feel so uniformed the other 364 days. What do these people when they aren't adding food color to their beer? Are they really searching for the pot of gold at the end of every rainbow? What is up with their fascination with potatoes, anyway?

No, if I'm going to celebrate a holiday like St. Patrick's Day, I want to do it right. I want to KNOW Patrick, if you know what I'm saying. I don't want him to be the relative I invite over my house one time a year, only to say we have to get together more often, but we never do. I want my relationship with Ireland to be meaningful. It should be more than a drunken one night stand in mid March.

Someday I'll find it. The rainbow connection. The Irish, the leprechauns and me.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?

Since the dawn of time (or rather, since the dawn of MY time) I have known that two times annually we change our clocks to observe Daylight Savings Time. In the fall we "fall" back. In the spring, we "spring" forward. Most people get depressed about the fall back part because it coincides with Halloween and there being less hours of light in a day. Most of the very same people, however, look forward to the extra hours of daylight in spring because this makes the day feel longer in some way.

And this concludes all that I truly know about daylight savings time.

Like clockwork (no pun intended) we as American people have observed this rule twice a year for ages with the noted exception of Arizona, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, the Virgin Islands, American Samoa, Guam and the Northern Marianas. I'm not really sure what those people do, but if they have nothing to remember and time marches on, maybe they're the ones that have it right.

Since Daylight Savings Time is something I've blindly observed all of my life, I realized I actually knew very little about how it came to be. Leave it to Wikipedia to correct my ignorance for me. Apparently Daylight Savings Time first started as a joke made by good ol' Ben Franklin back in 1784. At the time, he was talking out loud about how nice it would be to get up earlier and use more light, thus conserving more energy in the evening. Of course Benny just put it out there as a "what if" type of scenario. Little did he know what he had started. I know many of us have wished there could be more hours in a day now for years or even wished for robots to do our laundry for us. Now you know. Anything is possible. All ya gotta do is dream big.

From there, Daylight Savings Time (or DST) was actually first formally proposed by a man named William Willett back in 1907. I wish I could say the reason was for the common good and a miraculous one at that. Instead it seems Willett was just a golfer who wanted to have more hours of daylight to perfect his game. So you see, selfish means always ran the world, even way back then.

Of course while most of the American public (along with other parts of the world) observed this trend, not everyone followed suit. If everyone did everything the same see, that would make things easy. But we as humans are complicated people and so we do things differently. This is why Genesis called this the Land of Confusion.

But now, just like anything else, the people decided that this system was no longer the most convenient for them. So for the first time in decades, a law was passed making it possible to move DST up a few weeks in the spring. The justification I presume is to squeeze more daylight in, more productivity out and perhaps, most importantly, more time to plan well lit outdoor recreational activities.

Now call me crazy, but I've had a very hard time wrapping my head around this change. This is precisely why I decided to write about it and research it, in the hopes that somehow, someway I could make better sense of it. I understand the why's behind why we did it, I guess I'm still stuck a bit on the how's.

See I always thought that we changed the clocks because of Mother nature, not the other way around. For instance, I thought that the sun's pattern changed in late March and late October and thus, that's why our clocks followed suit. I thought we were simply following a world calendar, much bigger than scheduling a to-do list on say, a Palm Pilot.

But now I'm being told that simply isn't the case at all. We as collective human beings have the power to change when we change time. We are changing time now to get more daylight out of our lives, but I had a hard time understanding this because I wasn't taking into consideration the changing of the time itself. I was wondering how we could simply "get more" out of daylight whenever we wanted to. Even now, while I'm beginning to understand it a bit better, I still worry about the decision.

And what about falling back? If everyone hates falling back so much and getting up when it's dark out and having nighttime come more quickly, why do we observe that all? Why not spring forward this one last time and be done with it? There. You have more daylight, period. Whether you're playing golf or building a snowman, time is on your side, literally.

And really why stop there? You want 25 hours in a day? Done! You would like to be in two places at once? Why not! The possibilities really are endless.

All you gotta do is give us time to accomplish them.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Tell It To Me Tuesday "They're All Gonna Laugh At You!"

A few months back I asked you about what your favorite silly songs were. This week's TITMT is similar to that, but you'll see soon how it's different, too.

What I'm looking for is the following:

What are some songs that tickle your funny bone for all the wrong reasons?

In other words you are laughing at them, not with them. They are funny alright, but they weren't meant to be.

If you are participating on your blog, the rules are simple:

1. Answer this question ON YOUR BLOG and THEN link back to it via the box below.
2. Leave a comment letting me know you played along.
3. If you are interested in adding the box to your site, please visit Mister Linky.
4. If you have any questions or you're confused just ASK!

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Write Back Weekend "Just Do It"

On Tuesday I asked the question, What is something that you always wished you could do well and why? Actually I really asked the question, What is something that you always wished you could do and do well and why? I didn't look at that one closely enough before I hit publish, but all is forgiven in the weekend edition of TITMT.

I wasn't sure what one thing to pick earlier in the week. Then the weekend rolled around and I watched the movie Stranger Than Fiction with Will Ferrell. In small ways, it reminded me of the question I had posed and yet to answer. Suddenly I was humming that Live Like You Were Dying song in my head, too. That's because the movie, the song and the question had me think of things from a different perspective.

Although it wasn't actually written in the question itself, I believe it is implied that a lot of us don't try things we want to for two main reasons: time and fear. Time that you had to goof around as a child seems to be non-existent once you're an adult. It's easy as a kid to wish to be a doctor/princess/teacher when you grow up. To children the possibilities are endless. Adults, however, know better. We pick a path and (most of us) stick with it. All the dreams of having it all end up being just that, dreams.

In the movie Stranger Than Fiction, Will Ferell believes there is a woman narrating his life as it happens. I won't spoil what actually happens, but the problem his character is having is that he doesn't have much of a life. Oh sure, there are things he wants to do, he's just spent so much time repressing those things and being a sucker for routine that even he has lost touch with what those things are.

Then there is the fear factor. What will people think of me if I do or don't do this? What if I look silly? What if I fail? Everyone has had these feelings at some point in their lives, fitting in and maintaining status quo is part of what makes us human. Even the biggest high school anarchists eventually give in, most of them anyway. Think about all those sixties hippies, too. Most of them drink Starbucks and drive cars like Volvo's now. I often wonder where someone like John Lennon would be now. Would he still be staging bed ins or would he be pushing the collector's edition of a Lennon ipod? "Imagine all the people" who would buy it.

But now I'm beginning to stray a bit from my basic question and I wouldn't want to be accused of evading answering it. I think if I could do anything well I would want to be a comedienne. Now I'm not looking for major stardom. I just think it would be fun to entertain people with my own opinions and observations. I'd aspire to have the career of say, Ellen DeGeneres or Tina Fey. They're funny, but still appear to be kind. They also writes a lot of their own material, which ties in to my love for writing as well. Sometimes I don't even know if I'd care as much about the performing of it. I'd be OK behind the scenes writing for others, too.

I never really pursued this dream though. Instead I have kept the dream alive through blogging here and entertaining the handful of you who are kind enough to read it. I don't know if I could succeed at my dream, but I do know that I've succumbed to the adult notion that what you dream for is often just that, a dream.

You never know. I might fall into it one day and be like Joy Behar. Former teacher turned entertainer. Right now though I'm just content having a dream, period. I think it's when you stop dreaming altogether that you need to worry. After all, I believe dreams, fulfilled or not, are the fuel that keep us alive.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The Cheese Stands Alone

Call me crazy, but I feel like foods have changed over the years.

For instance, when I was a little kid, I don't remember foods like Mexican or Indian being prime attractions. Don't get me wrong, there was always exotic cuisine to choose from, but my theory is as people have evolved, so have their palates.

So I suppose it should come as no surprise that since there are many more food options out there, that there are even more options within those options. Case in point, all things cheese.

Back in the day cheese meant American, Swiss or Provolone. Brie and Muenster was for the, "upper crust, Buffy speaking, sweater around the neck wearing" types. Exotic cheeses were relegated to being white, yellow or if you were really daring, Pepper Jack.

But now it seems like cheese has taken center stage more than ever, bringing with it a plethora of "new" flavors to choose from. Say for example, Asiago cheese. A few years back, Asiago cheese bagels were my favorite. I had never heart of Asiago cheese and I surprised considering it was downright delicious.

So I got to thinking about it. Just where, exactly, is all this new cheese coming from? After all, cheese itself originates from a cow. According to Wikipedia, there are hundreds of types of cheese from all over the world. The way they make the different flavors is by mixing milk from various mammals with differing butterfat ingredients. So the more they played around with the standard, the more cheese, and ultimately, the more lactose intolerance was born.

Thinking back on it, I suppose I can sort of pinpoint when the reign of the Big Cheese was beginning to take center stage. For me, it all goes back to those Cheese Kraft Idea commercials. Surely you remember those. Each randomly numbered "tip" had a corresponding number and along with it. #3 would follow #31 and so forth. I assume there was a master list of great ideas somewhere but these were the days before the internet and show they instead chose to show a "best of" cheesiness, if you will.

Most of the time their ideas were common sense. Sprinkle cheddar cheese on your favorite soup! Add cheese to bread and grill it, cutting it on the diagonal! None of it was news, nor was it anything to melt over, although some of the recipes did call for it.

But now, cheese, formerly an accompaniment at best has become a minor cult favorite amongst the great lead in foods. And with good reason. Cheese goes well with a number of things like pepperoni, crackers, pasta, fruit and sandwiches, though not necessarily all at the same time. It's a great multi-purpose food that pleases all those that are able to cross its path.

For once, the Kraft battle can be settled as well. Is it Kraft Macaroni and Cheese or is it Cheese and Macaroni? You can say what you want. Just remember to just say cheese.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Tell It To Me Tuesday "Wishing Well"

Everyone has a special something they do with ease. For some, these talents can be something as grand as playing music by ear. For others, it's something as gross as eating with their toes. Whatever floats your boat.

So today I'm going to keep the TITMT question short and sweet...

What is something that you always wished you could do and do well and why?

If you are participating on your blog, the rules are simple:

1. Answer this question ON YOUR BLOG and THEN link back to it via the box below.
2. Leave a comment letting me know you played along.
3. If you are interested in adding the box to your site, please visit Mister Linky.
4. If you have any questions or you're confused just ASK!

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Write Back Weekend "Bad To The Bone"

Last week when I wrote all about some of my favorite videos of all time, I managed to come across quite a few clunkers, too. Cause let's face it. Everyone equally enjoys something that is fantastically great and immensely bad. You just enjoy these two things in very, very different ways and for very, very different reasons. This is how a second TITMT question and another week of saluting music videos was born.

So here I give you the best of the worst, in no particular odor. I mean, order. Yeah, that's it.

1. David "The Hoff" Hasselhoff- Jump In My Car: I know what you're thinking. Germans, apparently, love David Hasselhoff. The rest of us, however, fortunately know better. Any Hasselhoff, anything is a source of mockery in my eyes. But the minute the man decided to make actual music videos? That was just the icing on the cake, in my eyes. Not only does this particular video have the cheesy Hasselhoff, check out the bonus "high end" graphics.

2. Heartbeat- Don Johnson: Let's face it. Anytime an actor disguised as a singer jumps into the music video arena it is usually bad news. Now you take a popular, self-indulgent actor of the eighties and couple it with this the over indulgence of the decade itself and you have the finished product, Heartbeat. The song in itself, include Johnson's performance, isn't really all that bad if you close your eyes and listen. Now the snappy dance moves in the video? That's another story.

3. Der Komissar- Falco: I kind of feel bad putting this video (I couldn't find the English version) down since Falco is no longer alive to defend himself. It's ok though because while he was he was a good source for laughter, not once, but twice. This time around with Der Komissar and later with Rock Me Amadeus. I suppose you could argue that at least Rock Me Amadeus the video matched the song, but I hated the song so it just goes to show I'd hate the video, too. Der Komissar, however, is here for an entirely different reason- it's cheesy factor. Nobody, and I do mean nobody, has the moves Falco had, no matter what language he is speaking in. Are you listening, Hasselhoff?

4. Say It Right- Nelly Furtado: The difference with this inclusion is that I actually like the song. I think it's catchy and has a good hook. But the video? Total garbage. Some might argue that the song is a bit redundant. This pales in comparison to the video itself. Sure, Nelly looks hot, lip synching her way through the song on a random rooftop. But check out the black dude who is even more random with his HEY! interjections and aloof facial expressions.

5. Separate Ways- Journey: Unfortunately I scoured the internet for this one but to no avail. I think the clip has been removed from places like You Tube and other "worst of" lists by Steve Perry himself. It's a last ditch effort to avoid the mockery of the likes you see before you here. Don't get me wrong. I love the song and I loved Journey. I also think that Perry is one of the best vocalists of his time. But a video about a breakup featuring an ugly band in what looks like a semi built Home Depot? Who came up with that idea?! Thanks to Lyndon who found the video after the fact!

6. I'm Too Sexy- Right Said Fred: Novelty songs at their finest, everyone and their mother (yes, their actual mothers) loved Right Said Fred's I'm Too Sexy when it came out. It was the YMCA of it's time, if you catch my drift. But regardless of how catchy this song was it is also undeniably bad. It's just cheesy enough to be continuously referenced and used over miscellaneous makeover montages for years to come though.

7. Numb- U2: U2's music video for the song Numb is a perfect example of when bad music videos happen to good bands. I suppose this video was supposed to be all experimental and avant garde, but all it came across as was just plain weird. The whole foot on the face thing? What was that about anyway? All I know is that it stayed with me all these years.

8. Mr. Roboto- Styx: Speaking of weird, next up is the video for Styx's Mr. Roboto. Yet again I will mention, Dennis DeYoung, arguably one of the best vocalists of his time. But this video and this song are definitely not evidence of either. Hey, everyone makes mistakes. Even Mr. Roboto is only a human after all.

9. Ashes to Ashes- David Bowie: I suppose this video isn't nearly as bad as say, China Girl, but I had to seek it out because I distinctly remember it scaring the hell out of me when I was a kid. The freaky clown on the beach and in the water. The imagery was not meant for a five year old to see. Forget Stephen King's It. This did IT for me.

10. Rock Me Tonite- Billy Squier:
Ok, so like at the time, I suppose Billy Squier was suppose to be sexy, or whatever. At least in his mind he was. Just check out some of his outfits. If there was ever a contest created for weirdest, spontaneous music video choreography ever, it would be a dead heat race between Falco and Billy Squier. Then there are the freeze frames, which are an added bonus at no extra charge. No one has really heard much from Squier since the mid eighties. I'm convinced he's really in the Witness Protection Program along with Falco after being hunted down for ridiculously bad dancing, one too many times.

11. Trapped In The Closet- R. Kelly: As if the song title itself wasn't bad enough, here comes the epic saga of Trapped In The Closet, vignettes of stories strung together to make one big California closet of a music video. I suppose R. Kelly grew up on the likes of Thriller and Smooth Criminal and had ambitions of creating something like that. It didn't happen here though. Not even close. I'm not linking to all of the parts here cause frankly, I lost track at exactly how many parts there were. Suffice it to say they were all bad, but amusing as hell.

12. Human Behavior- Bjork:
Only God and Bjork know what makes Bjork behave the way she does. Bjork is part Icelandic, part crazy. I think it's genetically proven to be true. She also has a weird syndrome that makes her believe she is in fact, still three years old. This video, with the animals and whatnot is I suppose Bjork's take on actual Human Behavior, a la National Geographic for the MTV set. Regardless of the intention, the meaning was lost on me.

13. One- Metallica:
With the exception of Unforgiven, I never was much of a fan of Metallica's music. I will give them credit though. They didn't really wuss out nearly as much as I anticipated they would after they started to get some mainstream success. This was one of their biggest mainstream hits, despite having a truly horrible video. This video is not bad in a ridiculous or cheesy way. It's bad in a "oh my God, what is going on" sorta way. I have no idea where they got the footage from. To be honest, I don't want to know. I just know I'm content, never actually seeing this one, ever again.

14. We Built This City (On Rock N' Roll)- Starship:
Alright, I'll admit it. I liked this song when it came out. I liked it, didn't love it. But looking back on it now, though I still tap my toe a bit, I realize that it is remarkably cheesy, especially when you consider the evolution of the band that recorded it. They went from Jefferson Airplane to Jefferson Starship before becoming simply "Starship" in 1984. I suppose there were legal reasons for the name change every time, but they really laid the ground work for Prince's heyday. At any rate, to go from Somebody to Love to We Built This City is a bit of a downward shame spiral, even if the God awful White Rabbit was in there somewhere, too.

15. Safety Dance- Men Without Hats: I actually always loved this song, fully embracing and basking in the cheesiness of it all. But the music video? Now that my friends is a sight to behold! Picture if you will the munchkins from The Wizard of Oz on the loose and you have Men Without Hats video for Safety Dance. Also check out his random "mime stuck in a box like dance moves". Classic.

So there you have it. Fifteen picks for music videos that are so bad, they had to be good.



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